I was looking through entertainment news out of boredom and read a blurb about Britney Spears. I've never been a big fan of her music and avoid the tabloids but I find it sadly interesting how or society seems to lift people on a pedestal only to tear them down mercilessly and with such passion. I was reading how critics were tearing into her for a video music performance which they had a clip. I think everyone should have an opinion but what really bothered me was the reference to her weight. She looks healthy... not rail thin. The critics were writing as if she was obese.
What kind of message does this send out to young girls (and boys) who look up to her (not that she's the best role model but that's another post for another time). I don't have children but am in "Uncle" to friends children and it scares me. There's so much emphasis on weight, looks and superficial BS that it's no wonder why people feel inferior or unworthy.
I've had a constant struggle with my weight for nearly 30 years. I lost over a hundred pounds in high school in a little over 8 moths with the aid of eating disorders. I had very little self esteem and felt ugly, unworthy and insignificant. No matter how much weight I lost, I only saw a fat person staring back. I didn't see "myself" in the mirror. I don't think I ever really saw myself until I hit 30.
It really bothers me when I hear news or read articles like the above blurb because they can be seeds of years of distorted truths and views for young adults and children. I wholeheartedly believe in teaching children nutrition, fitness and healthy exercise but look at any magazine... any movie, especially for girls. You have to be thin to be beautiful. You have to be thin to have a happy relationship. You have to be thin or no one will accept you. What are we teaching our children?
After all these years, I still have issues with my appearance. The difference is, I love myself now and I'm losing weight in a healthy way and for the right reasons. It's still hard for me to see myself honestly at times. I have a distorted view of what I see.
I started belly dancing a few years ago. I went to some classes and then later continued with DVD instrucional lessons. I do a lot of devotional dance in my spiritual practice. It's as much meditation time for me as much as it is to connect and dance for the divine. I love belly dance because it's empowering. There are dancers of every size and skill level and yet - there's a connection of acceptance, support and growth. It's beautiful and moves me greatly.
Learned behavior takes time to un-learn for lack of words in my head... and I'm okay with that. I'm working on it and moving forward, sometimes with a great big step, sometimes a tiny step and sometimes a step back.
Galean had taken a photo of me last year... my first full body photo in I don't know how long. I remember that I knew I would hate it before I even saw it... but to my surprise, it's probably one of my favorite photos of me. I guess I am moving forward a bit. Yay!
Good Enough - Darren Hayes
If I woke up late
Couldn’t get out of bed
If I bought you a cafe latte instead
If I lied when I said
32 inches was the size of my waist
And can I admit
Every once in a while
Even though I dig alternative style
Occasionally
I can be caught dancin’ to Brittany
And can I confess
That art house doesn’t turn me on
But I like every single thing that Speilberg’s done
Could I be good enough
Could I be good enough
If the going got worse
And the worse got rough
The days became endless
And harder than tough
I’d be good enough
Better than best
Would be simply to be good enough
If everything I give
Doesn’t seem like a lot
If it’s all that I got
Baby tell that could be good enough
Where I grew up
The rent was cheap
Though we always had enough to eat
Didn’t have fancy clothes
I never really cared
'Coz there were shoes on my toes
And motherly love
I knew it like the back of my hand
She always had a way to make me understand
I could be good enough
I could be good enough
If the going got worse
And the worse got rough
The days became endless
And harder than tough
I’d be good enough
Better than best
Would be simply to be good enough
If everything I give
Doesn’t seem like a lot
If it’s all that I got
Baby tell me that could be good enough
Coz I don’t know which way this road is gonna turn
But I know it’s gonna be fine
But there are some days no matter how much I’ve learned
That the road gets tough
And I don’t feel good enough
But if you’re giving me some of that loving
Could you pass some over
Let me cry on your shoulder and tell me baby
I could be good enough
If I lost my job
And my hair fell out
If I made no sense
And I scream and shout
Would you laugh at me?
Never take a word I say seriously
And if I’m out in the cold
Waiting in the back of the line
Too afraid to drop my name for fear of decline
Could you tell me I’m good enough?
Could I be good enough?
If the going got worse
And the worse got rough
The days became endless
And harder than tough
I’d be good enough
Better than best
Would be simply to be good enough
If everything I give
Dosn’t seem like a lot
If it’s all that I’ve got
Baby tell me that could be good enough
I need to know that I could be good enough
Because everybody wants to feel good enough
Show me baby
Tell me
Come on a prove it baby and
Give it to me
And... not to go youtube crazy but...
Rachel Brice
Asharah
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