My Sacred Life - Day 30

A moment of stillness

Ohhhh... where do the days go? My day 30 is following 29 several days late. Ever feel time is a bit wonky... definitely not linear?
I snapped this photo on my lunch break, in the saftely of my car. It was the first time in a few days where I felt still. I've had moments on introspection and meditation but my mind's been full.
In the past week, I've made some huge decsions... and things seems to be excelerating. Funny how that happens when you put it out to the universe, eh?
Work has been a struggle. I'm very grateful to have a job that allows me the schedule I have and a salary that is competetive for the area I'm in. In the past, I've had commutes up to 3 hours - one way. There are things about my work that I love - the connection I have with my interpreters, the diversity and cultural richness and a few close bonds with colleages. Unfortunately, the difficult outweighs the good and has slowly taken it's toll on me. It's hard to be in a place that makes you feel so heavy and torn. I long for something that feeds my spirit and excites me... something that makes me feel I've accomplished something good at the end of the day. A reward that doesn't have a dollar sign, yet still allows me to live and be financially secure.
I've revamped my resume and am scared, excited and confident that I will find something that fits. This decision makes way for the next message that came loud and clear. My relocation plans to Washington have moved up from 2009 to mid 2008. Washington feels like home to me. I have loved ones there and it just feels like home... had to explain. When I am there, it just feels right and when I leave... when I'm on the plane heading back to CA, I feel an odd sense of leaving home and going back to... the place where my job is... the place where I rent a house... the place that I am when I'm not "home". I don't know how else to explain it. I'm also worried about my Mom as it will be a huge change and though we've talked at length about it, there's a part of me that fears she won't be happy. Of course, there are those little voices of what if... and maybe this... or maybe that... It's a mixture of thoughts and emotions, though I do believe it will be a good move. It's funny how one thought... one fear... can become an army before the sun comes out. So... "stillness" has been present... but not always easy to touch.

I feel most alive in Autumn.
October is my favorite month. It's gifted me with so many blessings... and there are so many layers to the month that speaks to me. The crisp weather... the changing season... the scents... colors... foliage... birthdays, anniversaries... so much. Now... I'm happy for cold sheets and pillows... my flickering "Life Purpose" candle and maybe a few moments of stillness.
I'm happy... surprised and a little frightened (well, more than a little)... but indeed, happy and very blessed.

Butterfly On A Wheel - The Mission UK

Silver and gold and it's growing cold
Autumn leaves lay as thick as thieves
Shivers down your spine chill you to the bone
'Cos the mandolin wind is the melody that turns
Your heart to stone
The heat of your breath carving shadows on the mist
Every angel has the wish that she's never been kissed
A broken dream haunting in your sleep
And hiding in your smile a secret you must keep
Love cuts you deep
Love breaks the wings of a butterfly on a wheel
Love breaks the wings of a butterfly on a wheel
There's no scarlet in you, lay your veil down for me
As sure as God made wine, you can't wrap your arms
Around a memory
Take warmth from me, cold Autumn winds cut sharp as
a knife
And in the dark for me, you're the candle flame that
Flickers to life
Love breaks the wings of a butterlfy on a wheel
Love will break the wings of a butterfly on a wheel
Wise men say all is fair in love and war
There's no right or wrong in the design of love
And I could only watch as the wind crushed your wings
Broken and torn crushed like the flower under the snow
And like the flower in spring
Love will rise again to heal your wings
Love heals the wings of a butterfly on a wheel
Love will heal the wings of a butterfly on a wheel