One Song

You have to be present to win - Raffle Reminder

2008-10-16T23:52:00.000-07:00

After 4+ months in Snohomish (North of Seattle) with no luck in finding work, I've returned to CA. I have no regrets in trying, was a full experience with joy, laughter, bittersweet tears and so much more that, at this time, are wordless. There are no failures and some of the biggest blessings are the ones that we don't always recognize. I know this yet still my heart is heavy.

Because I can't express my own words at this time... I find many to speak for me...

The Gift
Margaret E. Bruner

Once, long ago, a friend gave me a book
of poems - gems, the fruit of many minds;
I read them, thoughtless of the toil they took
The words moved softly as the stream that winds.

But now I know the lines I glibly read
Perhaps were born of pain - a broken heart;
Regret that followed with its stealthy tread -
the arrow of remorse with a searching dart;

For wisdom comes with Time's stern tutelage;
the years are keys, unlocking many a door;
Now, sometimes as I read, mist blurs the page -
Here, soul meets soul, a precious golden store.

When I Loved Myself Enough - Kim McMillen with Alison McMillen
When I loved myself enough...

When I Loved Myself Enough...

* I quit settling for too little.

* I came to know my own goodness.

* I began taking the gift of life seriously and gratefully.

* I began to know that I was in the right place at the right time and I could relax.

* I felt compelled to slow down, way down and that has made all the difference.

* I bought a feather bed.

* I came tro love being alone surrounded by silence - awed by its spell. listening to inner space.

* I came to see I am not special but I am unique.

* I redifined success and life became simple. Oh, the pleasure in that.

* I came to know I am worthy of knowing God directly.

* I began to see I didn't have to chase after life. If I am quiet and hold still, life comes to me.

* I gave up the belief that life is hard.

* I came to see emotional pain is a signal I am operating outside truth.

* I let the tomboy in me swing off the rope in Jackass Canyon. Yes!

* I learned to meet my own needs and not call it selfish.

* The parts of me long ingnored, the orphans of my soul, quit vying for attention. That wa the beginning of inner peace. Then I began seeing clearly.

* I began to see that desires of the heart do come, and I grew more patient and calm, except when I forget.

* I quit ignoring or tolerating my pain.

* I started feeling all my feelings, not analyzing them - really feeling them. When I do, something amazing happens. Try it. You will see.

* My heart became so tender it could welcome joy and sorrow equally.

* I started meditating everyday. This is a profound act of self love.

* I came to feel like a gift to the world and I collected beautiful ribbons and bows. They still hang on my wall to remind me.

* I learned to ask, "Who in me is feeling this way" when I feel anxious, angry, restless or sad. If I listen patiently I discover who needs my love.

* I no longer need things or people to make me feel safe.

* I quit wishing my life looked some othr way and began to see that as it is, my life serves my evolution.

* I began to comprehend the complexity, mystery, and vastness of my soul. How foolish to think I can know the meaning of another's life.

* I quit projecting my strengths and weaknesses on to others and kept them as my own.

* I began to feel a divine pressence in me and hear its guidance. I am learning to trust this and live from it.

* I quit exhasting myself by trying so hard.

* I began feeling a community within. This inner team with diverse talents and idisyncracies is my strength and my potential. We hold team meetings.

* I stopped blaming myself for choices I had made - which made me feel safe and I took responsability for them.

* I began seeing the abuse in trying to force something or someone who isn't ready - including me.

* I began walking and taking the stairs every chance I get, and choosing the scenic route.

* I became my own authority by listening to the wisdom of my heart. This is how God speaks to me. This is intuition.

* I began feeling such relief.

* The impulsive part of me learned to wait for the right time. Then I became clear and unafraid.

* I began to accept the unacceptable.

* I began to see that my egois part of my soul. WIth this shift in perception it lost its stridency and paranoia and could do its job.

* I would sometimes wake in the night to music playing within me.

* I began leaving whatever wasn't healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits - anything that kept me small. My judgement called it disloyal. Now I see it as self loving.

* I gave up perfectionism - that killer of joy.

* I could tell the truth about my gifts and my limitations.

* I quit answering the telephone when I don't want to talk.

* Forgiving others became irrelevant.

* I could remember, during times of confusion, struggle or grief, that these too are part of me and deserve my love.

* I could allow my heart to burst wide upen and take in the pain of the world.

* I started picking up litter on the street.

* I could feel God in me and see God in you. That makes us divine! Are you ready for that?

* I started writing about my life and views because I knew this was my right and my responsability.

* I began to see my purpose and gently lean myself from distraction.

* I saw that what I resisted persisted like a small child tugging my skirt. Now I am curious and gentle when resistance comes tugging.

* I learned to stop what I am doing, if even for a moment, and comfort the part of me who is scared.

* I learned to say no when I want to and yes when I want to.

* I saw beyond right and wrong and became neutral. At first I thought this was indifference; now I see the clarity that comes with neutrality.

* I began to feed my hunger for solitude and revel in the inexplicable contentment that is its companion.

* I could see how funny life is, how funny I am and how funny you are.

* I recognized my courage and fear, my naivete and wisdom, and I make a place for each at my table.

* I started treating myself to a massage at least once a month.

* I realized I am never alone.

* I stopped fearing empty time and quit making plans. Now I do what feels right and am in step with my own rhythms. Delicious.

* I quit trying to impress my brother.

* I stopped trying to banish the critical voices from my head. Now I say "Thank you for your views" and they feel heard. End of discussion.

* I let the part of me that still misses Kent feel sad instead of trying to stop her from loving him.

*I began buyinh a Hostess Fruit Pie for the teenager in me who loves them so. Once in a while. Cherry.

* I quit trying to be a saviour for others.

* I lost my fear of speaking my truth for I have come to see how good it is.

* I began pouring my feelings into my journals. These loving companions speak my language. No translation needed.

* I stopped seeing "Experts" and started living my life.

* I came to see how my anger teaches about responsability and my arrogance teaches about humility, so I listen to both carefully.

* I started eating organically grown food (Except for those occasional fruit pies of course).

* I was able to be treated to a $50 haircut and enjoy every minute of it.

* I quit having to be right which makes being wrong meaningless.

* I learned to grieve the hurts in life when they happen instead of making my heart heavy from lugging them around.

*I forgave myself for all the times I thought I wasn't good enough.

* Things got real quiet inside. Nice. Real nice.

* I began listening to the wisdom of my body. It speaks so clearly through its fatigue, sensativities, aversions, and hungers.

* I quit fearing my fear.

*I quit rehashing the past and worrying about the future which keeps me in the present where aliveness lives.

* I realized my mind can torment and deceive me, but in the service of my heart it is a great and noble ally.

* I began to taste freedom.

* I found my voice and wrote this little book.

Let the trees be consulted before you take any action
every time you breathe in thank a tree
let tree roots crack parking lots at the world bank headquarters
let loggers be druids specially trained and rewarded
to sacrifice trees at auspicious times let carpenters be master artisans
let lumber be treasured like gold let chainsaws be played like saxophones
let soldiers on maneuvers plant trees give police and criminals a shovel
and a thousand seedlings let businessmen carry pocketfuls of acorns
let newlyweds honeymoon in the woods
walk don't drive
stop reading newspapers
stop writing poetry
squat under a tree and tell stories
-John Wright

Give us hearts to understand;
Never to take from creation's beauty more than we give;
never to destroy wantonly for the furtherance of greed;
Never to deny to give our hands for the building of earth's beauty;
never to take from her what we cannot use.
Give us hearts to understand
That to destroy earth's music is to create confusion;
that to wreck her appearance is to blind us to beauty;
That to callously pollute her fragrance is to make a house of stench;
that as we care for her she will care for us.
We have forgotten who we are.
We have sought only our own security.
We have exploited simply for our own ends.
We have distorted our knowledge.
We have abused our power.
Great Spirit, whose dry lands thirst,
Help us to find the way to refresh your lands.
Great Spirit, whose waters are choked with debris and pollution,
help us to find the way to cleanse your waters.
Great Spirit, whose beautiful earth grows ugly with misuse,
help us to find the way to restore beauty to your handiwork.
Great Spirit, whose creatures are being destroyed,
help us to find a way to replenish them.
Great Spirit, whose gifts to us are being lost in selfishness and corruption,
help us to find the way to restore our humanity.
Oh, Great Spirit, whose voice I hear in the wind,
whose breath gives life to the world, hear me;
I need your strength and wisdom. May I walk in Beauty.
-Big Thunder

Mother, Father, God, Goddess, Universal Power.
Remind us daily of the sanctity of all life.
Touch our hearts with the glorious oneness of all creation.
As we strive to respect all the living beings on this planet.
Penetrate our souls with the beauty of this earth,
As we attune ourselves to the rhythm and flow of the seasons.
Awaken our minds, with the knowledge to achieve a world in perfect harmony
And grant us the wisdom to realize that we can have heaven on earth.
-Jo Poore

Four Elements Medicine Wheel
Ralph Metzner

O Great Spirit of the North,
Invisible Spirit of the Air,
And of the fresh, cool winds,
O vast and boundless Grandfather Sky,
Your living breath animates all life.
Yours is the power of clarity and strength,
Power to hear the inner sounds,
To sweep out the old patterns,
And to bring change and challenge,
The ecstasy of movement and the dance.
We pray that we may be aligned with you,
So that your power may flow through us,
And be expressed by us,
For the good of this planet,
And all living beings upon it.
O Great Spirit of the West,
Spirit of the Great Waters,
Of rain, rivers, lakes and springs.
O Grandmother Ocean
Deep matrix, womb of all life.
Power to dissolve boundaries,
To release holdings,
Power to taste and to feel,
To cleanse and to heal,
Great blissful darkness of peace.
We pray that we may be aligned with you,
So that your powers may tlow through us,
And be expressed by us,
For the good of this planet,
And all living beings upon it.
O Great Spirit of the East,
Radiance of the rising Sun,
Spirit of new beginnings,
O Grandfather Fire, Great nuclear fire -- of the Sun.
Power of life-energy, vital spark,
Power to see far, and to
Imagine with boldness.
Power to purify our senses,
Our hearts and our minds.
We pray that we may be aligned with you,
So that your powers may flow through us,
And be expressed by us,
For the good of this planet Earth,
And all living beings upon it.
O Great Spirit of the South,
Protector of the fruitful land,
And of all green and growing things,
The noble trees and grasses,
Grandmother Earth, Soul of Nature.
Great power of the receptive,
Of nurturance and endurance,
Power to grow and bring forth Flowers of the field,
Fruits of the garden.
We pray that we may be aligned with you,
So that your powers may flow through us,
And be expressed by us,
For the good of this planet Earth,
And all living beings upon it.

Ojibwa Prayer

Grandfather,
Look at our brokenness.
We know that in all creation
Only the human family
Has strayed from the Sacred Way.
We know that we are the ones
Who are divided
And we are the ones
Who must come back together
To walk in the Sacred Way.
Grandfather,
Sacred One,
Teach us love, compassion, and honor
That we may heal the earth
And heal each other.

When the animals come to us,
asking for our help,
will we know what they are saying?
When the plants speak to us,
in their delicate, beautiful language,
will we be able to answer them?
When the planet herself
sings to us in our dreams,
will we be able to wake ourselves,
and act?
-Gary Lawless

Who
took the dream
of the land
who staked down "private property"
through the soul of the deer
who
diverted streams
cleared forests
burned fields
I
seek to know
my own name
I
seek to know
why
after all that i have done
to hurt her
does the Mother continue
to embrace me
-Charlie Mehrhoff

Woods
Wendell Berry

I part the out thrusting branches
and come in beneath
the blessed and the blessing trees.
Though I am silent
there is singing around me.
Though I am dark
there is vision around me.
Though I am heavy
there is flight around me.

Wherever you are is home
And the earth is paradise
Wherever you set your feet is holy land . . .
You don't live off it like a parasite.
You live in it, and it in you,
Or you don't survive.
And that is the only worship of God there is.
-Wilfred Pelletier and Ted Poole

I'm Going to Plant a Heart in the Earth
I'm going to plant a heart in the Earth
water it with love from a vein.
I'm going to praise it with the push of muscle
and care for it in the sound of all dimensions.
I'm going to leave a heart in the Earth
so it may grow and flower
a heart that throbs with longing
that adores everything green
that will be strength and nourishment for birds
that will be the sap of plants and mountains.
-Rosario Murillo

Breath
J. Daniel Beaudry

Tree, gather up my thoughts
like the clouds in your branches.
Draw up my soul
like the waters in your root.
In the arteries of your trunk
bring me together.
Through your leaves
breathe out the sky.

A Blessing for the Woods
Michael S. Glaser

Before I leave, almost without noticing,
before I cross the road and head toward
what I have intentionally postponed—
Let me stop to say a blessing for these woods:
for crows barking and squirrels scampering,
for trees and fungus and multi-colored leaves,
for the way sunlight laces with shadows
through each branch and leaf of tree,
for these paths that take me in,
for these paths that lead me out.

The Weeping Tree
Kathleen Lohr

When the wild mouths
of first love promise
the willow listens.
The earth tastes of silence
and grey swings creak
on butter-soft porches
phrases sway
then fall like feathers
and the willow listens.
While babies smell of jazz
their cries like small mice
in the jasmine silvered nights
and the lights surrounded by moths
whose wings flutter
uncertain on the edges of black
the willow listens.
Inside bricked rooms
when grampa lays
aside his coffee spoon
because the moon is made
of blue cheese
not green
the willow listens.
Sides are chosen
no matter which
it's the spirit of the thing
and still the willow
with its branches bent
the tips brushing the grass
like loving brooms
listens, listens.
As time is laid aside
like pine cones
that roll on empty roofs
over evening shutters
or morning lace
when the children say
see, see the willow tree
the willow still listens
and weeps.

The Bridge Builder
Will Allen Dromgoole

An old man, going a lone highway,
Came, at the evening, cold and gray,
To a chasm, vast, and deep, and wide,
Through which was flowing a sullen tide.
The old man crossed in the twilight dim;
The sullen stream had no fears for him;
But he turned, when safe on the other side,
And built a bridge to span the tide.
"Old man," said a fellow pilgrim, near,
"You are wasting strength with building here;
Your journey will end with the ending day;
You never again must pass this way;
You have crossed the chasm, deep and wide--
Why build you the bridge at the eventide?"
The builder lifted his old gray head:
"Good friend, in the path I have come," he said,
"There followeth after me today
A youth, whose feet must pass this way.
This chasm, that has been naught to me,
To that fair-haired youth may a pitfall be.
He, too, must cross in the twilight dim;
Good friend, I am building the bridge for him."

Who Are My People?
Rosa Zagnoni Marinoni

My people? Who are they?
I went into the church where the congregation
Worshiped my God. Were they my people?
I felt no kinship to them as they knelt there.
My people! Where are they?
I went into the land where I was born,
Where men spoke my language…
I was a stranger there.
“My people,” my soul cried. “Who are my people?”
Last night in the rain I met an old man
Who spoke a language I do not speak,
Which marked him as one who does not know my God.
With apologetic smile he offered me
The shelter of his patched umbrella.
I met his eyes… And then I knew…

A long time have I lived with you
And now we must be going
Separately to be together.
Perhaps I shall be the wind
To blur your smooth waters
So that you do not see your face too much.
Perhaps I shall be the star
To guide your uncertain wings
So that you have direction in the night.
Perhaps I shall be the fire
To separate your thoughts
So that you do not give up.
Perhaps I shall be the rain
To open up the earth
So that your seed may fall.
Perhaps I shall be the snow
To let your blossoms sleep
So that you may bloom in spring.
Perhaps I shall be the stream
To play a song on the rock
So that you are not alone.
Perhaps I shall be a new mountain
So that you always have a home.
-Nancy Wood

The first step in the journey is to lose your way. - Galway Kinnell

A freind is someone who reaches for your hand... and touches yor heart. - unknown

Each person represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. - Anais Nin

Friends are those rare people who ask how we are, and then wait to hear the answer. - Ed Cunningham

A soul friend is someone with whom we can share our greatest joys and deepest fears, confess our worst sins and most persistent faults, clarify our highest hopes and perhaps most unarticulated dreams. - Edward C. Sellner

Eventually, it's the silences which make the real conversations between friends. Not the saying, but the never needing to say. - Margaret Lee Runbeck

To love a person is to learn the song that is in their heart, and to sing it to them when they have forgotten. - Thomas Chandler

Our greatest duty and our main duty is to help others, and please, if you can't help them, would you please nothurt them? - The Dali Lama

Invocation of Kali
Mary Sarton

Kali, be with us.
Violence, destruction, receive our homage,
Help us bring darkness into the light,
To lift out the pain, the anger,
Where is can be seen for what it is -
The balance-wheel for our vulnerable, arching love.
Put the wild hunger where it belongs,
Within the act of creation,
Crude power that forges a balance
Between hate and love.
Help us to be the always hopeful
Gardeners of the spirit
Who knows that without darkness
Nothing comes to birth
As without light
Nothing flowers.
Bear the roots in mind,
You, the dark one, Kali
Awesome power

Ofra Haza - Kaddish

Sacred Sunday-A day late

2008-05-19T14:44:00.000-07:00

Arrived safely in WA late Friday night.
Wow.
I'm "home".
More once I've returned back to body... so many emotions...very happy but amazing how all of my insecurities and issues are dancing for attention.
Kate Bush - Lily

Sacred Sunday - Where does the time go.

2008-04-27T22:29:00.000-07:00

21 years ago tonight, I came out of the closet on my 16th Bday.
Although it was scary, I felt safe in telling my parents and still knowing they would love Me.

Lovely day out in the sun. Had dinner at Todai with my Mom. I didn't think I could eat that much sushi... who knew?

Listening for the Weather - Bic Runga

So I'm listening for the weather to predict the coming day
Leave all thought of expectation to the weather man
No it doesn't really matter what it is he has to say
'Cause tomorrows keep on blowing in from somewhere

All the people that I know in the apartments down below
Busy with their starring roles in their own tragedies

Sunlight sends you on your way
And those restless thoughts that cling to yesterday
Never be afraid of change
I'll call you on the phone
I hate to leave you on your own
But I'm coming home today

And this busy inner city
Has got nothing much to say
And I know how much you're hanging round the letterbox
And I'm sure that as I'm writing
You'll be somewhere on your way
In a supermarket checkout or the restaurant

I've been doing what I'm told
I've been busy growing old
And the days are getting cold but that's alright with me

Sunlight sends you on your way
And those restless thoughts that cling to yesterday
Never be afraid of change
I'll call you on the phone
I hate to leave you on your own
But I'm coming home today
Yes I'm coming home today

I've been doing what I'm told
I've been busy growing old
And the days are getting cold but that's alright with me

Sunlight sends you on your way
And those restless thoughts that cling to yesterday
Never be afraid of change

From: ’I Heard God Laughing - Renderings of Hafiz’ - Daniel Ladinsky

2008-04-06T14:43:00.000-07:00

What Happens?

What happens when your soul
Begins to awaken
Your eyes
And your heart
And the cells of your body
To the great Journey of Love?

First there is wonderful laughter
And probably precious tears

And a hundred sweet promises
And those heroic vows
No one can ever keep.

But still God is delighted and amused
You once tried to be a saint.

What happens when your soul
Begins to awake in this world

To our deep need to love
And serve the Friend?

O the Beloved
Will send you
One of His wonderful, wild companions ~
Like Hafiz.

Azam Ali - Spring Arrives

Climbing Trees and Lightning-bugs

2008-04-04T22:46:00.000-07:00

I kidnapped my Mom for a peaceful drive through the mountains to Felton where we had a lovely dinner at Cowboy Diner.
We stopped at Borders on the way home where I picked up a few gems.
I can never read too much Rumi or Hafiz in a sitting... much to feel, take in and process.

From The Subject Tonight Is Love: 60 Wild and Sweet Poems of Hafiz, translated by Daniel Ladinsky:

Forgiveness Is the Cash

Forgiveness
Is the cash you need.
All the other kinds of silver really buy
just strange things.
Everything has its music.
Everything has genes of God inside.
But learn from those courageous addicted lovers
Of glands and opium and gold -
Look,
They cannot jump high or laugh long
when they are whirling.
And the moon and the stars become sad
when their tender light is used for
night wars.
Forgiveness is part of the treasure you need
to craft your falcon wings
and return
to your true realm of
Divine freedom.

Because of Our Wisdom

In many parts of this world water is
scarce and precious.
People sometimes have to walk
a great distance
then carry heavy jugs upon their
heads.
Because of our wisdom, we will travel
far for love.
All movement is a sign of
thirst.
Most speaking really says,
"Iam hungry to know you."
Every desire of your body is holy;
Every desire of your body is
Holy.
Dear one,
Why wait until you are dying
to discover that divine
truth?

Absolutely Clear

Don't surrender your lonliness
so quickly.
Let it cut more deep.
Let it ferment and season you
as few humans
or even the divine ingrediants can.
Something missing in my heart tonight
has made my eyes so soft,
my voice
so tender,
My need of God
Absolutely
Clear.

From The Rumi Collection:

Search the Darkness

Sit with your friends; don't go back to sleep.
Don't sink like a fish to the bottom of the sea.
Surge like an ocean,
don't scatter yourself like a storm.
Life's waters flow from darkness.
Search the darkness, don't run from it.
Night travelers are full of light,
and you are, too; don't leave this companionship.
Be a wakeful candle in a golden dish,
don't slip into the dirt like quicksilver.
The moon appears for night travelers,
be watchful when the moon is full.
-Translated by Kabir Helminski

Intelligence and Tears

Till the cloud weeps, how should the garden smile?
The weeping of the cloud and the burning of the sun
are the pillars of this world: twist these two strands together.
Since the searing heat of the sun and the moisture of the clouds
keep the world fresh and sweet,
keep the sun of your intelligence burning bright
and your eyes glistning with tears.
-Translated by Kabir Helminski and Camille Helminski

Emptiness

Does anyone write something on a place
that has already been written over,
or plant a sapling where one already grows?
No; he seeks a blank piece of paper
and sows the seed where none has yet been sown.
Sister, be bare earth;
be a clean piece of paper untouched by writing,
that you may be ennobled by the ben of revelation.
so that the Gracious One may sow seed within you.
-Translated by Kabir Helminski and Camille Helminski

Sarah Brightman - Attesa

Garden at Rosicrucian Egyptian Museum in San Jose, CA

2008-03-31T15:09:00.000-07:00

My mind is full of stuff with the time of my move drawing near. I have moments of calm and joyful, silent excitement to moments of irational fear with all the "What if's". It's definitely not about comfort... but anything worthwhile rarely is.
Had some moments of quiet in the gardens at the Rosicrucian Egyptian Museum as well as long talks with the trees in Santa Cruz... makes for a more grounded me.

Absence Of Fear - Jewell

Inside my skin there is this space
It twists and turns
It bleeds and aches
Inside my heart there's an empty room
It's waiting for lightning
It's waiting for you
And I am wanting
And I am needing you here
Inside the absence of fear
Muscle and sinew
Velvet and stone
This vessel is haunted
It creaks and moans
My bones call to you
In their separate skin
I make myself translucent
To let you in, for
I am wanting
And I am needing of you here
Inside the absence of fear
there is this hunger
This restlessness inside of me
and it knows that you're no stranger
you're my gravity
My hands will adore you through all darkness aim
They will lay you out in moonlight
And reinvent your name
For I am wanting you
And I am needing you here
I need you near
Inside the absence of fear

Revisiting some genuine friends...

2008-02-29T17:19:00.000-08:00

Faith is not belief. Belief is passive. Faith is active. - Edith Hamilton

Nothing worth doing is completed in our lifetime,
Therefore, we are saved by hope.
Nothing true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history;
Therefore, we are saved by faith.
Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone.
Therefore, we are saved by love.
No virtuous act is quite a virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as from our own;
Therefore, we are saved by the final form of love which is forgiveness.
- Reinhold Niebuhr

This is what I believe:
That I am I.
That my soul is a dark forest.
That my known self will never be more than a little clearing in the forest.
That gods, strange gods, come forth from the forest into the clearing of my known self, and then go back.
That I must have the courage to let them come and go.
That I will never let mankind put anything over me, but that I will try always to recognize and submit to the gods in me and the gods in other men and women.
There is my creed.
- D. H. Lawrence

... without darkness
Nothing comes to birth,
As without light
Nothing flowers.
- May Sarton

When you have once seen the glow of happiness on the face of a beloved person, you know that a man can have no vocation but to awaken that light on the faces surrounding him; and you are torn by the thought of the unhappiness and night you cast, by the mere fact of living, in the hearts you encounter.
- Albert Camus

There is no security on this earth. Only opportunity.
- Douglas MacArthur

When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you.
- Lao-Tzu

You must be
true to yourself.
Strong enough to be
true to yourself.
Brave enough to be
strong enough to be
true to yourself.
Wise enough to be
brave enough to be
strong enough to
shape yourself from what
you actually are.
-Sylvia Ashton-Warner

Anyone can become angry - that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way; this is not easy.
-Aristotle

These Old Bones - Dolly Parton

These old bones will tell your story these old bones will never lie
These old bones will tell you surely what you can't see with your eye
These old bones I shake and rattle these old bones I toss and roll
And it's all in where they scatter tells you what the future holds

Oh she lived up on the mountain eleven miles or so from town
With a one-eyed cat named Wink a Billy goat and a blue tick hound
Her graying hair was braided and wrapped around her head
And her dress was long and faded and her home a rusty shed

In a little pouch of burlap tied with a piece of twine
There were bones all shapes and sizes gathered through the course of time
She'd throw them out before you she swore that she could see
The present past and future she could ready your destiny

Everybody knew about her came to get their fortune read
Concerning health and wealth and power who to love and when to wed
Well I just like helpin' people I'm just glad that I can help
Why I know everybody's secrets but I keep it to myself ha ha ha

These old bones will tell your story...

Some called her witchy woman some said she was insane
Some said she was a prophet still everybody came
Just because a body's different well that don't make 'em mad
Well they've crucified a many for the special gifts they've had

I had often heard about her dreamed about her now and then
For I too was clairvoyant came about when I was ten
I was fascinated with her and the things I'd heard about
And I knew some day I'd meet her and one day it came about

Well I know'd that you's a comin' I could feel it in my bones
These old bones have also told me that I won't be here for long
Did you know that you'd adopted did you know you once twas mine
But the county took you from me said I wasn't right in mind

But I just know'd I had to see you fore these bones was laid to rest
So I conjured up a message ha ha it must've worked I guess
This gift runs in the family I know you also know
And I passed this gift on to you these old bones they're just for show

These old bones will tell your story these old bones will never lie
These old bones will tell you surely how you'll live and when you'll die
These old bones I shake and rattle these old bones I toss and roll
And it's all in where they scatter tells you what the future holds

I held her hand while she was dyin' and with the funeral through
I headed on back up the mountain for Billy Wink and Blue
And that little pouch of burlap with those bones so worn and old
She gave me somethin' special now every time I throw

These old bones will tell your story...

Now I can't tell you what you want to hear I just tell you what I see
It's these old bones a talkin' blame it on them don't pack it on me
It's just like that time that there boy died up at the sawmill
Well I know'd who done it but I never said
And I know'd when somebody is a cheatin'
Or when somebody's baby was gonna be born dead
But unless somebody just plain out and asked me
Well I just figured there ain't no point goin' around actin' like you know
Everything just cause you might ha ha ha
Ah you know girl I want you to take these bones
Cause I don't want no young'un of mine a goin' around unprepared
You just remember that the magic is inside you there ain't no crystal ball

Mike Dooley - Notes From the Universe

2008-02-12T21:32:00.000-08:00

I've been getting "Notes From the Universe" for a few years now, thanks to my sister, Gaelan,for pointing me in their direction!
It's a great way to start the day and always lifts my sprits... and sometimes I get a cosmic b!tchslap - but that's good too.

http://www.tut.com/AdventurersOath.htm

Here's a Hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooge hurkin, flashing blinky lighty reason why... (These ecards and more can be found on Mike's site.)

Sacred Life Sunday - January 20, 2008

2008-01-20T20:18:00.000-08:00

A walk with the Divine... sharing my day in less than 5 minutes. :)

Open My Heart - Lisa Thiel

Open My Heart...

Sacred Life Sunday January 13 (a few hours late)

2008-01-14T03:39:00.001-08:00

I don't really know where to begin after a very full weekend with so much still processing.
The above pics are from Evergreen Cemetery in Santa Cruz. It is one of our oldest cemeteries in CA and I go there from time to time to honor those who've crossed, find peace, and visit the beautiful guardian trees that seem to twist and shelter and reach the sky.
It's another sacred place where I find answers, sometimes to questions that I many not realize or sometimes don't necessarily want to hear the answers for. You have to love the universe for her wit and pokes... which in all honesty, I am truly grateful.

I spent some time with a good friend who is suffering a great deal of pain with fibromyalgia. She's taken the past several weeks off to rest and also because for a short while, she had no choice. Walking a very short distance can be a challenge let alone the common everyday things I take for granted. That said, what's probably hardest is she is very independent and just the thought of having to depend on others or asking for help is like a mountain to her. A mountain I can relate to.
I made a large pot of rustic meat and veg stew and we spent a good amount of time in awe of the past year and what we'd like to see manifest. She had mentioned that we were alike in that we push too much at times and ignore subtle messages to slow or rest... or to say no. She said, "It's not those subtle pokes that get me... it's those semi trucks!" which we both laughed at - probably not so much out of the humor but the recognition of it. She's doing much better and on the road to recovery though it is a slow one - we are enjoying good days and making the best of the not so good days. I hate - hate - hate seeing people in pain, especially loved ones yet we both spoke of how there are lessons to be learned and that they aren't always apparent right off - especially when you're standing shoulder deep in it. I love her. I love her spirit. I love her heart. We ended our time with slices of berry pie and vanilla ice cream.
I am so grateful for my health, mobility and ability to move. I don't really spend much time thinking about that... but wow - it's an everyday miracle that I need to be more aware of and acknowledge.
I suffer from migraines and though they can knock me out of the game for a few days, I don't think I will be so quick to complain going forward.
It's amazing how our bodies, minds, spirit... and Divine remind us in so many ways with so many messages - if we only listen.

I have another friend whose family are going through such a difficult transition. His Mother has been battling cancer for a short while and in that time, the transitions have been swift. The last update was quite grim and the family have been told that she has hours left. I can't imagine. I'm happy that her pain will be over as she's suffering. I know she will be at peace but my heart aches for her family, my friend. I pray that her transition is as peaceful as possible.

Instead of lyrics to a song, I wanted to share some more quotes that move me.

There are incalculable resources in the human spirit, once it has been set free. - Hubert H. Humphrey

Everyone has in them something precious that is in no one else. - Martin Buber

Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant? - Henry David Thoreau

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. - Mother Teresa

What do we live for if not to make life less difficult for each other? - George Eliot

You cannot do a kindness too soon for you never know how soon it will be too late. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. - Mother Teresa

Whatever your past has been, you have a spotless future. - Melanie Gustafson

Encourage one another. Many times a word of praise or thanks or appreciation or cheer has kept a person on their feet. - Charles Swindoll

Nobody should move faster than their guardian angel can fly. - Anonymous

There is in each of us so much goodness that if we could see its glow, it would light the world. - Sam Friend

There are many wonderful things that will never be done ifyou do not do them. - Charles D Gill

Determine that the thing shall be done, and then you shall find a way. Abraham Lincoln.

Gizmo goes Whirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

2008-01-02T18:07:00.001-08:00

Coconut Macaroons
Ina Garten

14 ounces sweetened shredded coconut
14 ounces sweetened condensed milk
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
2 extra-large egg whites, at room temperature
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F.

Combine the coconut, condensed milk, and vanilla in a large bowl. Whip the egg whites and salt on high speed in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the whisk attachment until they make medium-firm peaks. Carefully fold the egg whites into the coconut mixture.

Drop the batter onto sheet pans lined with parchment paper using either a 1 3/4-inch diameter ice cream scoop, or 2 teaspoons. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes, until golden brown. Cool and serve.

Cheesecake in the oven...

PHILADELPHIA New York-Style Strawberry Swirl Cheesecake
http://www.kraftfoods.com/kf/home.htm

Ingredients:
* 1 cup HONEY MAID Graham Cracker Crumbs
* 3 Tbsp. sugar
* 3 Tbsp. butter, melted
* 5 pkg. (8 oz. each) PHILADELPHIA Cream Cheese, softened
* 1 cup sugar
* 3 Tbsp. flour
* 1 Tbsp. vanilla
* 1 cup BREAKSTONE'S or KNUDSEN Sour Cream
* 4 eggs
* 1/3 cup SMUCKER'S® Seedless Strawberry Jam

# PREHEAT oven to 325°F. Line 13x9-inch baking pan with foil, with ends of foil extending over sides of pan. Mix cracker crumbs, 3 Tbsp. sugar and the butter; press firmly onto bottom of prepared pan. Bake 10 min.
# BEAT cream cheese, 1 cup sugar, the flour and vanilla in large bowl with electric mixer on medium speed until well blended. Add sour cream; mix well. Add eggs, one at a time, mixing on low speed after each addition just until blended. Pour over crust. Gently drop small spoonfuls of jam over batter; cut through batter several times with knife for marble effect.
# BAKE 40 min. or until center is almost set. Cool completely. Refrigerate at least 4 hours or overnight. Lift cheesecake from pan using foil handles. Cut into 16 pieces to serve. Store leftover cheesecake in refrigerator.

Heaven Lyrics
The Psychedelic Furs

heaven
is the whole of the heart
and heaven don't tear you apart
yeah heaven
is the whole of the heart
and heaven don't tear you apart
there's too many kings
wanna hold you down
and a world at the window
gone underground
there's a hole in the sky
where the sun don't shine
and a clock on the wall
and it counts my time
and heaven
is the whole of the heart
and heaven don't tear you apart
yeah heaven is the whole of the heart
and heaven don't tear you apart
there's a song on the air
with a love-you line
and a face in a glass
and it looks like mine
and i'm standing on ice when i say
that i don't hear planes
and i scream at the fools
wanna jump my train
and heaven is the whole of the heart
and heaven don't tear you apart
yeah heaven is the whole of the heart
and heaven don't tear you apart
yeah heaven
ah heaven
yeah heaven

Giving never moves in straight lines - it always moves in circles. - Dr Robert Schuller

2008-01-01T23:07:00.000-08:00

The easiest thing to be in the world is you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be. - Leo Buscaglia

Every Spirit builds itself a house, and beond its house a world, and beyond its world a heaven. Know then, that the world exists for you. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

and shared with my by Gaelan:

Traditional Chumach Blessing

Just as the soft rains fill the streams,
pour into the rivers, and join together in the oceans,
so may the power of every moment of your goodness
flow forth to awaken and heal all beings--
those here now, those gone before, those yet to come.

By the power of every moment of your goodness,
may your heart's wishes be soon fulfilled
as completely shining as the bright full moon,
as magically as by a wish-fulfilling gem.

By the power of every moment of your goodness,
may all dangers be averted and all disease be gone.
May no obstacle come across your way.
May you enjoy fulfillment and long life.

For all in whose heart dwells respect,
who follow the wisdom and compassion, of the Way,
may your life prosper in the four blessings
of old age, beauty, happiness and strength.

Kindred Spirit
Cyndi Lauper

If you think you're hearing something
And you can't think what it is
If you feel a quiet longing
Lift your heart into the wind
There you'll find my kindred spirit
There you'll meet me as a friend
It is just a kindred feeling
And a song to let you in...

2008-01-01T00:02:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Sacred Life Sunday - December 30, 2007

2007-12-30T20:53:00.001-08:00

I spent the day with my Mom doing some after holiday shopping and then a nice dinner at California Pizza Kitchen. We both had delicious pasta dishes and shared our joys and challenges of the past year.
Tonight will be baking... baking... and more baking. I purchased a page and a half of ingrediants, partially pictured above, for cakes, cheesecakes, cookies, cupcakes, muffins, candies and marshmallows as gifts to loved ones. I love homemade goodies... and any chance, holiday or not, that allows me to go crazy in the kitchen is a good thing!
Wishing everyone a safe New Years eve - especially if you'll be travelling or on the roads.
Here's to a joyful, healthy, prosperous, year filled with family, genuine friendships, love, laughter and lessons learned and obsticales and challenges met with a strong spirit and warm and open heart.
Blessings and Much LOVE,
Jon

Hymn for the fallen
Dead Can Dance

My attends to you as a mother fears while her children sleep
Now look, see how they're dreaming
The black reciteries, while the children dream
Don't go so deep in slumber
Where you'll shy
Know you'll wander in sleep
Don't you fly too far away
Some men die without crying
Suffering so long and alone
Softly, children, dry your eyes
Gently, children, be wise
My attends to you as a mother hears all her children's fears
So don't cry, all will wash away when we pray
Soon, soon, soon, soon, soon
So if it's okay, i'll wait with you while the sun began to shine
Oh look, your wings are broken
But never a lie was spoken
The murdered thing is love, you see
Drifting on a lake of memory
Now sleep, close your eyes and have no fear
A wide blue sky is very near
Soon, soon, soon, soon, soon
Now sleep, close your eyes and have no fear
A wide blue sky is very near

2007-12-28T08:58:00.000-08:00

We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing each other.
- Luciano De Crescenzo

One Song - Holiday Blessings

2007-12-24T12:49:00.000-08:00

Sword and Staff
Heather Alexander

Kyrie Eleison! Maiden, Mother Crone of Host!
Kyrie Eleison! Father, Son and Holy Ghost!
Kyrie Eleison! Wind and lightning, Rain and Moss!
Kyrie Eleison! Sword and Staff, Cauldron and Cross!

A circlet of the Sacred Thorn,
The rising of the Sun reborn
A sacrifice for all Mankind
A Tree with root and branch entwined
God will grant His Blessings still,
Though we call Her what we will
We can name it what so ere,
A spell is nothing but a prayer

Holy Water, Sacred Spring
Angel Fire, Faerie Ring
Different, and yet still the same
Acceptance lies beyond the name
Each and all are tied as one
There should be no comparison
This one law is rudiment
Our faith’s defined by our intent

Stone and statue guard this ground
Different faiths together bound
Back to stand against the Dark with Light
Mother Earth, God above
Unify us all in love
Unite us though diversity
For Fear is our true enemy!

A Giant in the City

2007-12-23T15:22:00.000-08:00

Sacred Life Sunday - December 23, 2007

2007-12-23T00:03:00.000-08:00

Papering myself...

I'm not a big fan of malls and certainly not a fan anytime in December with the crowds but I made an exception today.
I have always felt a twinge of guilt when I shop for myself, though I'm overcoming that issue. I purchased something for myself this evening and am feeling very giddy. It's something I've always wanted yet would never pay THAT much for it on my salary... or any other salary, well - there's that guilt thing too.
Anyway... aside from "THE THING"... here's the other reason why I am so giddy:
499.99 - Regular Price
399.99 - Sale Price
319.99 - Less 20%
119.99 - Less $200 gift certificate
69.99 - Less $50 mail in rebate

The Professional 600™ Series is KitchenAid's most powerful Stand Mixer, able to churn through double batches of bread dough.

Features

* Professional bowl-lift design raises bowl into mixing position
* 10-speed slide control ranges from a very fast whip to a very slow stir
* PowerKnead™ spiral dough hook replicates hand-kneading to handle 20% more dough than previous models
* Durable direct drive, all-steel gear transmission delivers high-performance mixing action
* Commercial-style motor protection ensures motor longevity
* Electronic Speed Sensor
* Soft Start® Speed
* 14 Cups of Flower Power
* 6 Quart Capacity Mixing Bowl
* 67 Point Planetary Mixing Action
* Multi-purpose Attachment Hub
* All-Metal Construction
* 575 Watt Motor
* 1 Year Hassle-Free Replacement WarrantyModels: KP26M1X

I wish Y'all lived close - I'd invite you over for a dessert buffet!

Come Ona My House
Rose Mary Clooney

Come on-a my house my house, I'm gonna give you candy
Come on-a my house, my house, I'm gonna give a you
Apple a plum and apricot-a too eh
Come on-a my house, my house a come on
Come on-a my house, my house a come on
Come on-a my house, my house I'm gonna give a you
Figs and dates and grapes and cakes eh
Come on-a my house, my house a come on
Come on-a my house, my house a come on
Come on-a my house, my house, I'm gonna give you candy
Come on-a my house, my house, I'm gonna give you everything

Come on-a my house my house, I'm gonna give you Christmas tree
Come on-a my house, my house, I'm gonna give you
Marriage ring and a pomegranate too ah
Come on-a my house, my house a come on
Come on-a my house, my house a come on
Come on-a my house, my house I'm gonna give a you
Peach and pear and I love your hair ah
Come on-a my house, my house a come on
Come on-a my house, my house a come on
Come on-a my house, my house, I'm gonna give you Easta-egg
Come on-a my house, my house, I'm gonna give you
Everything - everything - everything

Love, Joy, Spirit and Light... Blessed Solstice to all

2007-12-21T23:06:00.000-08:00

Late, by myself, in the boat of myself
No light and no land anymore
Cloud cover thick
I try to stay just above the surface,
Yet I am already under and living with the Ocean.
-Rumi

I received this card, from Gaelan, in the mail today. It was a reminder that we are all, indeed, connected - even when things may seem anything but. I thought I would share it and magical words of Rumi for anyone else who may be feeling a bit overwhelmed or disconnected.
Blessing and hugs,
Jon

PS A Blessed Solstice to all. :)

Here Comes the Sun
The Beatles

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it's all right

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it's all right
It's all right

Dancing with Ebenezer

2007-12-14T22:47:00.000-08:00

I love celebrating the season and all of the beautiful spirit that lies beneath the names and labels.

Having said that... Boy Howdy, I feel a coldness that is not winter... it's this feeling of expectation and surface smiles... the hustle and bustle and lack of comapssion that appear - wrapped in a commercial bow and a trail of glitter leading to the nearest mall.
I'm having many moments of $(#%*&! and my issues are shining brightly... though I'm trying to keep them in check, acknowledging how I feel and allowing myself to feel them but not letting it delfate my spirit. I'm just feeling a bit blah...

I received two emails at work today that touched me. One made me stop and breathe... and say a silent and heart felt thank you for all the love in my life while the other made me giggle loudly in my cubicle. I thought I'd share both for anyone who might, like me, need a reminder of all the little things that make life great.
Blessings and Hugs,
J :)

Recently I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure.

Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said, "I love you and I wish you enough".

The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough , too, Mom".

They kissed and the daughter left.
The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?".

Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking,
but why is this a forever good-bye?".

"I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.

"When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough'. May I ask what that means?".

She began to smile.
"That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone". She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more. "When we said , 'I wish you enough', we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them". Then turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

She then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them but then an entire life to forget them.

* Only if you wish send this to the people you will never forget.

TAKE TIME TO LIVE...

A WEEK AT THE GYM

If you can read this without laughing out loud....I am worried about you!

Dear Diary,

For my sixtieth birthday this year, my daughter Rachel (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Lorraine, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY:

Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Lorraine waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Lorraine gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Lorraine was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

TUESDAY:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Lorraine made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air - then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Lorraine 's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Lorraine was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky so early in the morning; and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Lorraine put me on the stair 'monster'. Why the Hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Lorraine told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other stuff too.

THURSDAY:

Lorraine was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late. It took me that long to tie my shoes. Lorraine took me to work out with dumbbells! When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom.
She sent another skinny woman to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine which I sank.

FRIDAY:

I hate that Lorraine more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Lorraine wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

SATURDAY:

Lorraine left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY:

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank G O D that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter Rachel (the little rascal !*$%) will choose a gift for me that is fun, like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds.

Ice Cream
Sarah McLachlan

Ice Cream

Your love is better than ice cream
better than anything else that I've tried
and your love is better than ice cream
everyone here know how to fight
and it's a long way down
it's a long way down
it's a long way down to the place
where we started from
Your love is better than chocolate
better than anything else that I've tried
oh love is better than chocolate
everyone here knows how to cry
it's a long way down
it's a long way down
it's a long way down to the place
where we started from...

The Ring part 25??? NO! It's just me - fun with chemicals

2007-12-11T19:54:00.000-08:00

Bye bye to the red stripes - back to my natural dark brown. Sometimes it's the little changes that renew... yep yep yep!

Love Song For A Vampire
Anne Lennox

Come into these arms again
And lay your body down
The rhythm of this trembling heart
Is beating like a drum

It beats for you - It bleeds for you
It knows not how it sounds
For it is the drum of drums
It is the song of songs...

Once I had the rarest rose
That ever deigned to bloom.
Cruel winter chilled the bud
And stole my flower too soon.

Oh loneliness - oh hopelessness
To search the ends of time
For there is in all the world
No greater love than mine.

Love, oh love, oh love...
Still falls the rain... (still falls the rain)
Love, oh love, oh, love...
Still falls the night...
Love, oh love, oh love...
Be mine forever.... (be mine forever)
Love, oh love, oh love....

Let me be the only one
To keep you from the cold
Now the floor of heaven's lain
With stars of brightest gold

They shine for you - they shine for you
They burn for all to see
Come into these arms again
And set this spirit free

So unexpected...

2007-12-10T20:08:00.001-08:00

hmmmm wow... not sure how I feel about this. hehehe

Dancing With Myself
Billy Idol

On the floor of Tokyo
Or down in London town to go, go
With the record selection
With the mirror reflection
I'm dancing with myself
When there's no-one else in sight
In the crowded lonely night
Well I wait so long
For my love vibration
And I'm dancing with myself
Oh dancing with myself
Oh dancing with myself
Well there's nothing to lose
And there's nothing to prove
I'll be dancing with myself
If I looked all over the world
And there's every type of girl
But your empty eyes
Seem to pass me by
Leave me dancing with myself
So let's sink another drink
'Cause it'll give me time to think
If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance
And I'll be dancing with myself
Oh dancing with myself
Oh dancing with myself
Well there's nothing to lose
And there's nothing to prove
I'll be dancing with myself

Sacred Life Sunday 12/09/07

2007-12-09T23:50:00.000-08:00

one of your smiles

Music of the rain

2007-12-08T20:45:00.000-08:00

It's been a gloriously grey and rainy day. No errands, clean house, and warm slippers!
Ran out to the grocery store and Blockbuster Video.
Previously viewed movies were on sale so I grabbed:

Ladies In Lavender - I LOVE Judi Dench and Maggie Smith! YAY!
Bride & Prejudice - Bollywood version of Jane Austen's classic. LOADS to laughs!
Phat Girlz - Coworker had mentioned it and any movie that applauds positive body image is good in my book! Wooohooo
Eragon - Cause there be Dragons! ROWWWWR
Rise - I never outgrew vampire flicks. And Lucy Liu is in it too!
Fracture - Recommended by a friend. Anthony Hopkins... can't go wrong.
Pathfinder - Honestly, only to stare at Karl Urban for 2 hours. :) Shallow end of depth, but damn good fun.

Grilled a few steaks and salmon fillets
potato and leek soup
greens with dried cranberries, feta, pecans with lemon, olive oil and garlic
rice
and treated myself to a bottle of prosecco for bellinis! Not much for drinks but every once in a blue moon.

off to movie land...
Hope everyone is having a rejuvenating weekend!

I Love A Rainy Night
Eddie Rabbit

Well, I love a rainy night
I love a rainy night
I love to hear the thunder
Watch the lightning
When it lights up the sky
You know it makes me feel good
Well, I love a rainy night
It's such a beautiful sight
I love to feel the rain
On my face
Taste the rain on my lips
In the moonlight shadow
Showers washed
All my cares away
I wake up to a sunny day
'Cos I love a rainy night
Yeah, I love a rainy night
Well, I love a rainy night
Well, I love a rainy night
Ooh-ooh
I love a rainy night
I love a rainy night
I love to hear the thunder
Watch the lightning
When it lights up the sky
You know it makes me feel good
Well, I love a rainy night
It's such a beautiful sight
I love to feel the rain
On my face
To taste the rain on my lips
In the moonlight shadows
Puts a song
In this heart of mine
Puts a smile on my face every time
'Cos I love a rainy night
Yeah, I love a rainy night
Ooh, I love a rainy night
Yeah, I love a rainy night
Ooh-ooh
Showers washed
All my cares away
I wake up to a sunny day
'Cos I love a rainy night
Yeah, I love a rainy night
Well, I love a rainy night
I love a rainy night
Well, I love a rainy night
You can see it in my eyes
Yeah, I love a rainy night
Well, it makes me high
Ooh, I love a rainy night
You know I do, yeah, yeah
I love a rainy night
I love a rainy night
You can see it in my eyes.

Nourturing the spirit

2007-11-30T14:32:00.000-08:00

Bowl of Wisdom (carefully guarded by my wind up otter)

I thought I'd share a few of the beautiful messages I've been gifted from these little cards. They touch my heart and help me focus on things that I sometimes need reminding... sometimes a cosmic smack upside the head, lovingly - of course! ;)

Remember that what is hard to endure will be sweet to recall. - Tote Yamada

We rise by lifting others. - Robert Green Ingersoll

There is more to life than having everything. - Maurice Sendak

There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning. - Lous L'Amour

We had only one simple rule in our home: Live harmlessly. - Sally Browne

The effect of one good-hearted person is incalcuable. - Oscar Arias

You really can change the world if you care enough. - Marian Wright Edelman

Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. - Mother Teresa

Treasure each other in the recognition that we do not know how long we shall have each other. - Joshua Loth Liebman

Where there is no love, put love - and you will find love. - Saint John of the Cross

A heart can be broken, but it will keep beating just the same. - Fannie Flagg

The thing always happens that you believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Life is a promise. Fulfil it. - Mother Teresa

Be kind to one another. - Jim Henson

We need heart-to-heart resuscitation. - Ram Dass

"What is life's heaviest burden?" asked the child.
"To have nothing to carry," answered the old man. - Anonymous

How simple is it to see that we can only be happy now, and that there will never be a time when it is not now. - Gerald Jampolsky

Most people don't know how brave they are. - R.E. Chambers

Make your own trail. - Katharine Hepburn

One of the marks of a gift is to have the courage to fulfull it. - Katherine Anne Porter

If I could buy you for what you think you're worth and sell you for what you're really worth - I'd make a fortune. - Unknown

We are boundless creatures. - Kobi Yamada

Within you lies a power greather than what lies before you. - Anonymous

Nature never repeats herself, and the possibilities of one human soul will never be found in another. - Elizabeth Cady Stanton

You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star. - Friedrich Nietzche

Each of us has a spark of life inside us, and we must set off that spark in one another. - Kenny Ausubel

Seek not outside yourself, heaven is within. - Mary Lou Cook

It's Friday.
I've made myself a lucious coconut shake and have a few movies to enjoy and get lost in.
I hope the weekend gifts all of us with moments of silence and "me time." I am feeling winter very strongly and my heart and mind are being pulled inward as well as in many directions. I'm so happy weekend has found me!

This Is Not the House Pain Built
Dar Williams

My house is hard to find, but I'll give you directions,
You can visit sometime, down where all that I built surrounds me
Just make sure your car's got good shocks
There's steep hills, there's potholes, there's rocks
I work in the garden, my son plays around me
Close the gate behind you, there's a horse that can't get out
I will see you first, is that all right
And can you remember, can you remember

This is not the house that pain built
This is not the house that pain built
I was drowning in something, I jumped in the rift
And you knew me back then, when I spat on my gift, but no

It's tough and it's tiring when you go it alone
I learned about wiring, I learned about stone
The building is done but the work's never through
And I won't give up, no how, it reminds me of who I am and where I am now
I remember myself, that's the work that I do
On a spring night when the snow is melting
You'll see two sets of footprints walking
Look at all the stars, and turn around, and walk home,
Slowly walk home.

This is not the house that pain built
That is not a house that pain built
My friends all think that I holed up and hid
But I tell them I didn't, you know I don't think I did, no.

And this is where I let my pain go
This is where I let my pain go
This is where the footprints dance in the snow

Savoury Saturday

2007-11-24T17:06:00.000-08:00

Gotta love Take Out...yay!

I kidnapped my Mom this afternoon to wander around Monterey. I found a neat little used bookstore that actually had books in Japanese... she was thrilled which of course made me a happy camper! The weather was sunny with some lovely grey clouds and a crisp breeze... beautiful wintery.
Instead of cooking tonight - opting for take out from New Tokyo... tempura, maguro and unagi and a few tekka rolls!

and I have a pint of Haagen-Dazs' eggnog ice cream...bliss.
Hope everyone is having a beautiful day and moments of stillness.
Jxxx

These Are Days - 10000 Maniacs

These are days you'll remember.
Never before and never since, I promise, will the whole world be warm as this.
And as you feel it, you'll know it's true that you are blessed and lucky.
It's true that you are touched by something that will grow and bloom in you.
These are days you'll remember.
When May is rushing over you with desire to be part of the miracles you see in
every hour.
You'll know it's true that you are blessed and lucky.
It's true that you are touched by something that will grow and bloom in you.
These are days.
These are the days you might fill with laughter until you break.
These days you might feel a shaft of light make its way across your face.
And when you do you'll know how it was meant to be.
See the signs and know their meaning.
It's true, you'll know how it was meant to be.
Hear the signs and know they're speaking to you, to you.

The Happy Prince - Oscar Wilde

2007-11-21T14:51:00.000-08:00

The Happy Prince

To all the children at heart who may read this,
I remember reading this when I was little and it filled me with so many emotions. It always stuck with me and I happened to stumble over it today. It's downloadable. :)
After all these years, I still needed tissue. It has a message that never gets old or outgrown.
Blessings,
Jon

http://literalsystems.org/litsys/audio/Audio-Book/TheHappyPrince.mp3

AND... I found the animation, on youtube of course!

I don't think I will ever get over the awe that technology pokes me with! :)

7 random/weird facts ...

2007-11-20T10:45:00.000-08:00

Bindis! :)

Ohhhh… I’ve been tagged by Beverly ( http://embraceyourgifts.typepad.com/blog/ ). Neat exercise and getting to know people!

Here are the rules of the game: Link to the person’s blog who tagged you. 2. Post these rules on your blog. 3. List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself 4. Tag seven random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs. 5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by posting a comment on their blog.

Here are 7 random/weird facts about me…

I am a bit obsessive compulsive with my car radio. I have a digital tuner and when raising or lowering the volume – it must land on an odd number. Little weird? Yep yep yep
I’ve always loved music. I started recording my own mixed bunch of songs when I was 3 on my Mom’s reel to reel stereo.
On the subject of music, my very first record album was given to me by my mother. It had been one of the first records she bought for herself. It contains, to this day, my favorite song … Seven Daffodils by the Brothers Four.
My favorite scent is the "perfumed" air walking in the forest on a crisp autumn day just after rain.
I love bellydancing. I think it’s one of the things that snaps me into my body and lets me connect with spirit. Devotional dance, for me, is like speed dial to the universe. It’s about moving and feeling and becoming part of the music… part of the air… and at the same time everything and nothing.
Nothing makes me smile more than a furry critter… dogs, cats, cows… love, love, LOVE animals. I find many times, I prefer the company of four leggeds to two…hehehehe.
I am a hopeful romantic.

I tagging anyone who would be interested in sharing! :)

Dead Can Dance - Rakim

Sacred Sunday - November 18, 2007

2007-11-18T23:50:00.000-08:00

Rowan

I spent a good part of the morning happily snoozing. Funny how your body will decide that you WILL sleep when it's had it's fill. I've been fighting the cold and pushing myself a bit too much and my body was having nothing to do with that today. I feel MUCH better with a full night/morning of rest and time to just be... love that though I find it hard to do much of the time.
I spent the evening in Capitola visiting Rowan. We hadn't been able to spend time together over the past several months due to schedules and all those little things that pop up. It was wonderful catching up, laughing and having dinner at Chili's!
The molten lava cake was the perfect dessert for a delicious day.
I'm very thankful for slowing down, making time and much laughter.

Gypsy
Suzanne Vega

You come from far away
With pictures in your eyes
Of coffeeshops and morning streets
In the blue and silent sunrise
But night is the cathedral
Where we recognized the sign
We strangers know each other now
As part of the whole design
Oh, hold me like a baby
That will not fall asleep
Curl me up inside you
And let me hear you through the heat
You are the jester of this courtyard
With a smile like a girl's
Distracted by the women
With the dimples and the curls
By the pretty and the mischievous
By the timid and the blessed
By the blowing skirts of ladies
Who promise to gather you to their breast
Oh, hold me like a baby
That will not fall asleep
Curl me up inside you
And let me hear you through the heat
You have hands of raining water
And that earring in your ear
The wisdom on your face
Denies the number of your years
With the fingers of the potter
And the laughing tale of the fool
The arranger of disorder
With your strange and simple rules
Yes now I've met me another spinner
Of strange and gauzy threads
With a long and slender body
And a bump upon the head
With a long and slender body
And the sweetest softest hands
And we'll blow away forever soon
And go on to different lands
And please do not ever look for me
But with me you will stay
And you will hear yourself in song
Blowing by one day

Sacred Sunday - November 11, 2007

2007-11-11T15:57:00.000-08:00

Always Near

My mom and I usually spend the weekend prior to the anniversary of my father's passing (11/13/89) together to reflect, laugh and celebrate life. We decided to go out for a nice lunch and just enjoy the crispness of the coming winter walking about. Things didn't really go as planned. We had decided on any 1 of 3 of our favorite restaurants... and for one reason or other, all were full or closed. I thought for a moment how funny that was and that my father was probably giggling as he preferred a nice home cooked meal. It flashed that perhaps he might have had a hand in this. So... I decided that if there was halibut (Mom was craving halibut) at the fish market, I would cook a nice dinner and we would just relax at home. .. otherwise may get take out and enjoy dinner at home.
So... we get to the market... and no halibut. I thought, maybe it wasn't dad...
Just as I was about to turn and leave, the owner asked if there was something I was looking for. I answered, halibut steak... and went on to say that I hadn't seen any in the window. Turns out, he just received 2 steaks with a small order that had just arrived. Hmmmm :)
So tonight...
Halibut steak with a buttery sun dried tomato creme sauce
wasabi mashed potatoes
stir fry veggies with homemade teriyaki sauce
baby bok choy with garlic and ginger
and for dinner... my dads fave... deep dish apple pie with caramel sauce
:)
My mom brought my fathers and Spike's urns out for the week and made a little altar with a little potted flowers. water, and an angel which is my Sunday photo.

In other news...
Last year, November 06, I had decided to give up meat for 1 year as a devotional. I love food. I love to cook it and eat it. The reason for the devotional was a way to connect with my own spirit as well as the divine. I didn't do it to punish myself or out of obligation.
I wanted to be aware of the herbs that I grow, the fresh veggies and fruits that are so abundant... so much so, that I had taken them for granted. I also wanted to make a promise to my spirit that I would take better care of myself... physically, mentally and spiritually.
The year went by quickly and I didn't feel like I was missing anything. I had to take time to read labels, cook more meals at home, and be disciplined more than I had with my food intake.
So this week... I've incorporated fresh fish... and although I remembered the taste of fish... preparing it now, cooking it, tasting it... has changed. I savour it... slow down... and don't waste food, as last year... I was a bit more careless with waste. My gratitude for the food... for the sacrifice of the fish/meat... it's changed in a very beautiful way. It's hard to explain... but it is an amazing experience.

Eden - 10,000 Maniacs

We are the roses in the garden, beauty with thorns among our leaves.
To pick a rose you ask your hands to bleed.
What is the reason for having roses when your blood is shed carelessly?
It must be for something more than vanity.
Believe me, the truth is we're not honest, not the people that we dream.
We're not as close as we could be.
Willing to grow but rains are shallow.
Barren and wind-scattered seed on stone and dry land, we will be.
Waiting for the light arisen to flood inside the prison.
And in that time kind words alone will teach us, no bitterness will reach us.
Reason will be guided another way.
All in time, but the clock is another demon that devours our time in Eden, in our Paradise.
Will our eyes see well beneath us, flowers all divine?
Is there still time?
If we wake and discover in life a precious love, will that waking become more heavenly?

My Sacred Life Sunday 11/04/07... posted 11/05, day late

2007-11-05T09:59:00.000-08:00

Otters - Joy/Cheerfulness

Lately I've been feeling a bit of a disconnect.
My life is full of so much abundance and I know that I am blessed beyond what I can even comprehend... but, I feel heavy and dark these past several weeks.
Things have been hitting me very hard and I find myself completing the "have to's" and struggling to retain balance. I've neglected time in the forest, writing and obviously - my Sacred Sunday blogging. I don't like slacking off on personal commitments... things that I find joy in and growth. Lately, I am just tired. I'm trying not to beat myself up and at the same time, don't want this current state to become a habit.
October was filled with many lessons in life, death, rebirth, spirit/spirituality... so many questions, answers, pokes from the universe and frustration in what to do with everything... holding space and trying to make sense of any of it... not that anything needs to make senes all at once or right now . The lovely quirks of my mind and lack of patience thrown into to the recipe and... wow, instant Mr Cranky Pants.
I guess a part of me feels a bit lost right now. And thought I know it's just what I am experiencing at the moment, it's difficult to see the whole picture.
I'm going through my belongings and sorting outthings to keep, donate, and discard... simplifying and also thinking ahead for the move next year.
I'm surrounding myself with things that bring me joy and remind me to laugh and not take things so seriously.

It Must Have Happened - Mary Chapin Carpenter

Can't remember looking for something
So hard to find
I can't remember talking to myself
Just like I'd lost my mind
I can't remember rowing towards the moon
Upon a single beam
But it must have happened, yeah
It must have happened
Can't remember learning
How to laugh at catastrophe
I can't remember losing track
Of who I was supposed to be
I can't remember riding flying horses
Toward the golden ring
But it must have happened
Yes it must have happened
'Cause after all baby here I am
With a ring in my pocket
And the moon in my hand
After all baby here I am with you
Can't remember seeing all my hopes
Going up in flames
I can't remember reaching
For the closes thing to dull the pain
I can't remember feeling
I could be healed by a stranger's hand
But it must have happened
Yes it must have happened
'Cause after all baby
Here I am in a bed of roses
With a punch drunk grin
After all baby here I am with you
Can't remember looking for omens
Hoping there was going to be a sign
I can't remember figuring out
The secret was inside me all this time
I can't remember walking without fear
Towards the light you shined
But it must have happened
Yeah it must have happened
And I know it happened
Yes it must have happened
Darling look what happened

Video - Good Mother by Jann Arden

Sacred :Life Sunday 10/21/07

2007-10-21T23:34:00.000-07:00

Transformation

Energy does not die,
it simply transforms.
Life is born into life
over and over.
Do not fear the
transition.
Perpetuate trust.
Welcome the souls'
journey.
Surrender.

I just returned from a memorial service of a man who lived his life fully. The family decided to hold the services today, what would have been his 87th birthday.
I can't really English anything at the moment as my head is full of thoughts and in processing mode.
What I can say is that everything... every person, every kindness, every moment is a fiber in this wonderful tapestry of life. I just want to hug all the people in my life and tell them that I love them.
I'm tired. I will write what I can translate from my heart and head tomorrow afternoon... after work. 4am comes quicly and the cold sheets are calling me.
I didn't take a photo today but was reminded many times of the photo I am posting. It is the card of Transformation from the Wisdom of the Crone deck.
To all the wonderful friends I've met through My Sacred Life and Sacred Life Sunday... I send warm thoughts and blessings. What a beautiful gift to meet and share with amazing people... talk about beautiful colors in a tapestry.
Love and hugs... peace and gratitude...
Jx

My Spike...Birthday Celebration and a heart full and grateful

2007-10-17T12:43:00.000-07:00

1984

I strongly believe that the animals in our lives come not only to fulfil our lives and open our eyes to unconditional love and compassion but also as guardians of spirit.
Spike came at a time in my life that I felt very different and lonely. I was asked what I wanted for my birthday and I answered, as I had for months, a dog.
My parents, knowing I was having difficulty adjusting from our move from Illinois to CA felt deeply for me and without the landlords knowledge, agreed we should have a dog. I remember going to Kimberly Pet Shop and running to the backroom where the kennels were. I recall this little black bundle with a crazed tail, "LOOK AT ME" yap yap yap, the warmest brown eyes and claws that clanked on the metal floor with h excited step as the owner of the shop unlatched the door and scooped him up in her arms. For a moment the world seemed to not exist... just this tiny bundle of energy and excitement that wriggled happily in my arms.
Once we arrived home, he made a mad dash to my mother where he quckly tinkled on her leg. I think she turned four shades of red.
She had told me in a very clear manner... "This is your dog... your responsability. He WILL NOT be spoiled and you will clean up after him." You can imagine my surprise when I came back from school the next day and found one of her best china plates on the ground... his plastic dish no where to be found... and on the plate - a nice sirloin that had been cut lovingly into tiny pieces. Hmmmm... *smile*
He filled our lives with such lightness and joy... so much laughter and lessons on how to live.
He knew when I needed him and made himself available, always, with a nudge or a cold nose to the cheek.
He was my best friend... my brother... my guardian and so much a part of me that I can't explain.
He was with me through every major change in my life and gave me love, comfort and companionship. He loved me even when I didn't love myself... and a person can be very ugly when they are in that place... and regardless... he loved me.
Today is his birthday and I'm feeling happy honoring his spirit and the millions of smiles he brought my family. I'm remembering with much laughter and a few tears cherished moments, secrets shared by an innocen child to his best friend, and filled with so much gratitude in the lessons of how to love. He truly taught me how to love and be joyful.
I feel his spirt near me and I see him sometimes in the corner of my eye... in his favorite spot on the couch. He thought he was a cat... would climb and sit on the couch back and gaze out the window.
I miss him... his physical presence but he is always with me in heart and spirit.
He was with me for nearly 18 years when he became ill... well, not so much ill as age. He had been struggling with movement and became more and more quiet and sleeping. I knew he was preparing to leave. It was noticible though he wasn't in pain.
As the year progressed, his eating habits changed and it arrived at a point where it started to border on a painful exisitance, not one of joy or comfort. I can't bear to see anyone in pain... and set another appointment with the vet... knowing that it was time.
I spent the morning next to him, thanking him and caressing him. I explained that it was okay to go and that I was sorry he was suffering. I explained how I didn't want him to be in pain and that I didn't know what else to do. I was so afraid I was making the wrong decision... so afraid that perhaps some part of him wouldn't understand and would feel abandoned... so hard to think straight when emotions are so high and your heart and head hurt from thinking. I believe he knew what I was saying and that he was ready to go.
I drove with my Mom next to me, both of us with heavy hearts and Spike on the furon we had made for him. My heart ached thinking he wouldn't be returning with us... it felt on some level an abandonment though I knew in my head it wasn't but rarely do I find my heart and head on the same page at the same time.
The Vet confirmed my fear that his systems were starting to shut down and that there was nothing that could be done... that it would become worse and painful.
The most incredible moment of my life was holding him and caressing his head and face... rubbing his paw and feeling his spirit release. He took one last breath and there was just peace... just quiet and I couldn't breathe. I sat there for a moment dumbfounded... not sure what I was feeling... just there... and then tears...
For weeks, I cried and had a rollercoaster of emotions. In prayer, I asked him to please show me a sign, any sign to let me know he understood. That he was at peace... that he forgave me.
I was a basket case... I would work... come home, go to bed and cry. 2 days later... when I arrived home, my Mom told me I should look outside.
In two days... where there had been no growth... in the middle of winter... there was a big beautiful pink rose.
It's funny... in life, he always comforted me... always showed me unconditional love... in spirit... it continued and continues. He was also a HUGE force in renewing and defining my spirituality.
He is still the guardian of my spirit and still reminds me to be filled with joy, enthusiasm and to enjoy the simple in life... and I am so grateful.
So... yes, a celebration of love, life, spirit and connection.
I'm guessing this is filled with typos and probably a bit scattered but I'm sure anyone who's lost their guardian/friend/familiar... you know how emotions can rush and feelings can be jolted... not at all bad, but ... yeah. They aren't "bad" tears... or feelings... just nostaligic... I miss him. Especailly today... his birthday was always an event. So... today remains an event... and there will be food and ice cream... silence, laughter, prayers and many thanks.

Thank You - Thank You - Thank You - Thank You...

2007-10-16T20:33:00.000-07:00

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person.
Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.
- Albert Schweitzer

My Sacred Life - Day 31

2007-10-11T17:29:00.001-07:00

I've been making babies... well, that sounded a bit off. Faebies, actually and I'm nearly finished with my latest cherub cheeked Autumn Sunflower Faeby. I think one of the things I like about crafting is that I start with an idea and the outcome is usually a surprise. Kinda like life's journey... you make a guideline of what you want to manifest and create and find along the way that things fall into their own place and make their own art. Both are works in progress.
I'm 36 and today I celebrate an anniversary. Today marks 10 years being single... and it is a Happy Anniversary.
It didn't start out happy 10 years ago when I left a very abusive relationship and started, not knowing at the time, a relationship with myself. I was bitter and angry and feeling more than a little sorry for myself. It was very much like a death. and grieving. I should backtrack a bit...
I have always known that I was gay and it was never an issue for me. Having said that, growing up in a small town - this isn't something that one really shares. To me, it just was a part of me, no more important than the color of my eyes or any other part of me - it just was. As a child and a teen, I always romanticized the idea of "love and relationship". It's something that I longed for deeply... well, as deeply as a 16 year old can imagine I suppose. It was strange seeing friends attend dances, date and couple when I didn't know anyone who was gay. It was a very difficult time.
I had always been the one in my family and circle to make things go smoothly. I was very much one to try to make everyone happy and help. Of course, this wasn't healthy but it was a huge part of my identity at the time. When I did date... 3 times (ages 19, 22, and 24) which weren't so much dates as perhaps clinging to one another for the sake of being together - I spent a lot of time molding myself into what they saw as a "good partner". That thought, now, makes me cringe. I didn't really know who I was or perhaps I was afraid to find out or just completely oblivious... not really sure. I think it was probably a combination.
The last relationship lasted just over 2 years and was probably one of the greatest gifts to happen in that it woke me up. I don't think there's so much anyone to blame and if so, it lie between both of us. Something just clicked in my head and heart.
After leaving the relationship... I was bitter. In many ways, the grieving of the loss of the relationship occurred while we were together... small things which grew and intensified... like slowly dying. The relationship itself was dead before I left - if that makes sense? I was angry at myself for staying as long as I did, angry because I felt unappreciated, angry for the time and so much emotion... I just wanted to be alone. I withdrew, completely. I worked so much overtime and kept my hands busy so I wouldn't have time to think. I also used work as an excuse to distance myself from people and really turned to food for comfort and of course - gaining weight when you're already feeling low - well, not a good combo.
I was angry for 3 years... and alone. It's funny how we can inflict the very thing on ourselves that we fear most.
I began writing and things poured out...
I had avoided writing for that fact... I knew the dam would break and I would have to do something. Comfort can be the biggest enemy to growing and I was so comfortable. I knew I wanted to make changes and for me, writing was the handle to open that door.
I began to go out on road trips and made some spiritual connections. I delved further into my own beliefs and wrote more. I started to thaw... I wanted to live. I hadn't been living and I had an army of excuses that kept me company.
I had no idea that 10 years ago, I would start a journey and marriage to myself, my spirit and finding that life wasn't about perfection or being something I wasn't or hiding my light. I didn't think that I would be okay with not being in a relationship... let alone be happy single for many years. I see it very much like a marriage... the first year is the toughest... compromises, changes, adapting... and finding a rhythm. I guess I'm happily married, hehehe - well, most days. :)
Do I think of love and relationship... of course but it's not something I need. It's something I want one day and for all the right reasons... which are healthy. I'm not incomplete... I'm as complete as I can possible be and grow more a little each day. I would love an equal... a true partner... who I can share my light with and in turn be someone he can share his light with me. I always feel a bit uneasy when people say relationships are 50/50... I've always hoped for 100/100. Does that make sense? To bring your whole authentic self forward and have that returned in trust and non judgement. Unconditionally being loved and to have your love accepted. Tow people who appreciate one another, respect one another and celebrate each others differences as much as likeness. I see so many people together just to be together and it breaks my heart. So many people I know are partnered, married or coupled yet many have lost their identities and become this one entity where one, also by their choice, hides a deep part of themselves to remain in that place. Of course, these are my observations and my thoughts... and not something that I state. I'm very open and honest and I do fear that someone may ask pointedly my opinion but other than that... it's really not my stuff. It's not my place or journey and we all need to find our own truth.

So - yeah - I'm celebrating today. I'm spending time doing things that bring me great joy, laughter, connection and also taking time to really feel just how blessed I am. I'm grateful for all my lessons and am keeping myself open to lessons to come.
Happy Anniversary.

Why Should I Love You? - Kate Bush

This chapter says
"Put it out of your mind"
Mmm, give it time....
The fine purple
The purest gold
The red of the Sacred Heart
The grey of a ghost
The "L" of the lips are open
To the "O" of the Host
The "V" of the velvet
Of all of the people in the world
Why should I love you?
There's just something 'bout you
There's just something 'bout you
Of all the people in the world
Why should I love you?
Have you ever seen a picture
Of Jesus laughing?
Mmm, do you think
He had a beautiful smile?
A smile that healed
Of all the people in the world
Why should I love you?
There's just something 'bout you
There's just something 'bout you
Of all the people in the world
Why should I love you?
Of all the people in the world
Why should I love you?
The fine purple
The purest gold
The red of the Sacred Heart
The grey of a ghost
The "L" of the lips are open
To the "O" of the Host
The "V" of the velvet
The "E" of my eye
The eye in wonder
The eye that sees
The "I" that loves you
Of all the people in the world
Why should I love you?

Eat the Music (Video) - Kate Bush

My Sacred Life - Day 30

2007-10-09T21:12:00.001-07:00

A moment of stillness

Ohhhh... where do the days go? My day 30 is following 29 several days late. Ever feel time is a bit wonky... definitely not linear?
I snapped this photo on my lunch break, in the saftely of my car. It was the first time in a few days where I felt still. I've had moments on introspection and meditation but my mind's been full.
In the past week, I've made some huge decsions... and things seems to be excelerating. Funny how that happens when you put it out to the universe, eh?
Work has been a struggle. I'm very grateful to have a job that allows me the schedule I have and a salary that is competetive for the area I'm in. In the past, I've had commutes up to 3 hours - one way. There are things about my work that I love - the connection I have with my interpreters, the diversity and cultural richness and a few close bonds with colleages. Unfortunately, the difficult outweighs the good and has slowly taken it's toll on me. It's hard to be in a place that makes you feel so heavy and torn. I long for something that feeds my spirit and excites me... something that makes me feel I've accomplished something good at the end of the day. A reward that doesn't have a dollar sign, yet still allows me to live and be financially secure.
I've revamped my resume and am scared, excited and confident that I will find something that fits. This decision makes way for the next message that came loud and clear. My relocation plans to Washington have moved up from 2009 to mid 2008. Washington feels like home to me. I have loved ones there and it just feels like home... had to explain. When I am there, it just feels right and when I leave... when I'm on the plane heading back to CA, I feel an odd sense of leaving home and going back to... the place where my job is... the place where I rent a house... the place that I am when I'm not "home". I don't know how else to explain it. I'm also worried about my Mom as it will be a huge change and though we've talked at length about it, there's a part of me that fears she won't be happy. Of course, there are those little voices of what if... and maybe this... or maybe that... It's a mixture of thoughts and emotions, though I do believe it will be a good move. It's funny how one thought... one fear... can become an army before the sun comes out. So... "stillness" has been present... but not always easy to touch.

I feel most alive in Autumn.
October is my favorite month. It's gifted me with so many blessings... and there are so many layers to the month that speaks to me. The crisp weather... the changing season... the scents... colors... foliage... birthdays, anniversaries... so much. Now... I'm happy for cold sheets and pillows... my flickering "Life Purpose" candle and maybe a few moments of stillness.
I'm happy... surprised and a little frightened (well, more than a little)... but indeed, happy and very blessed.

Butterfly On A Wheel - The Mission UK

Silver and gold and it's growing cold
Autumn leaves lay as thick as thieves
Shivers down your spine chill you to the bone
'Cos the mandolin wind is the melody that turns
Your heart to stone
The heat of your breath carving shadows on the mist
Every angel has the wish that she's never been kissed
A broken dream haunting in your sleep
And hiding in your smile a secret you must keep
Love cuts you deep
Love breaks the wings of a butterfly on a wheel
Love breaks the wings of a butterfly on a wheel
There's no scarlet in you, lay your veil down for me
As sure as God made wine, you can't wrap your arms
Around a memory
Take warmth from me, cold Autumn winds cut sharp as
a knife
And in the dark for me, you're the candle flame that
Flickers to life
Love breaks the wings of a butterlfy on a wheel
Love will break the wings of a butterfly on a wheel
Wise men say all is fair in love and war
There's no right or wrong in the design of love
And I could only watch as the wind crushed your wings
Broken and torn crushed like the flower under the snow
And like the flower in spring
Love will rise again to heal your wings
Love heals the wings of a butterfly on a wheel
Love will heal the wings of a butterfly on a wheel

My Sacred Life - Day 29

2007-10-04T21:42:00.000-07:00

Taking the time to rest and and look inward... grateful to this sleepy little one in the sun for the reminder.

Listen to the Exhortation of the Dawn!
Look to this Day!
For it is Life, the very Life of Life.
In its brief course lie all the
Verities and Realities of your Existence.
The Bliss of Growth,
The Glory of Action,
The Splendor of Beauty;
For Yesterday is but a Dream,
And To-morrow is only a Vision;
But To-day well lived makes
Every Yesterday a Dream of Happiness,
And every Tomorrow a Vision of Hope.
Look well therefore to this Day!
Such is the Salutation of the Dawn!
-Kalidasa

Both Sides Now - Judy Collins

Bows and flows of angel hair and ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere, I've looked at clouds that way
But now they only block the sun they rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done, but clouds got in my way

I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It's cloud's illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and ferris wheels the dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real, I've looked at love that way
But now it's just another show, you leave 'em laughin when you go
And if you care don't let them know, don't give yourself away

I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud, to say, "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds, I've looked at life that way
But now old friends are acting strange they shake their heads, they say
I've changed
But something's lost but something's gained in living every day

I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all

My Sacred Life - Day 28

2007-10-02T18:55:00.000-07:00

When I think of the people in my life who love me, unconditionally, it overwhelms me.
The past few days have been a bit of an emotional roller coaster and I'm so grateful for the hands of spirit that hold me up and the love of family.
Tonight will just be simple and slow and quiet... and that is okay.
The sweet tomatoes and luscious cheese was simple and making the balsamic reduction woke me and moved me in a softer place... and present.

It's funny how in a rush or during a crisis how we can float on currents or responsibilities that need to be done that we forget the necessary things like eating or taking care of ourselves - taking care of our selves by nurturing our spirit... which for me, lets me know if I'm not and usually not in a subtle way...WAKE UP, SHUT UP AND TAKE ANOTHER LOOK. It's funny but not so much in a ha ha kinda way.
I don't like complaining, sitting on the pity pot, or wallowing so there's not much else to do except... CHANGE IT. It's so not about comfort...
So... moving toward a few changes earlier than expected yet being more patient with mysef when my first urge is to beat myself up. It's not about comfort... it's not about comfort...it's not about comfort

Everything - Alanis Morissette

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone
Who is as negative as I am sometimes
I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you've never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go
I'm the funniest woman that you've ever known
I'm the dullest woman that you've ever known
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
And you've never met anyone
Who is as everything as I am sometimes
You see everything (you see everything), you see every part (you see every part )
You see all my light (you see all my light) and you love my dark (and you love my dark )
You dig everything (you dig everything) of which I'm ashamed (of which I'm ashamed)
There's not anything (there's not anything) to which you can't relate (to which you can't relate)
And you're still here
(You see everything, you see every part)
And you're still here
(You see all my light and you love my dark)
And you're still here
(You dig everything of which I'm ashamed)
(There's not anything to which you can't relate)
And you're still here...

My Sacred Life - Day 27

2007-10-01T17:42:00.000-07:00

Time out

Spent a while visiting some feathered friends.

Feed the Birds - The Brothers Four

The little old bird woman comes.
In her own special way to the people she calls,
"Come, buy my bags full of crumbs.
Come feed the little birds, show them you care
And you'll be glad if you do.
Their young ones are hungry,
Their nests are so bare;
All it takes is tuppence from you."
Feed the birds, tuppence a bag,
Tuppence, tuppence, tuppence a bag.
"Feed the birds," that's what she cries,
While overhead, her birds fill the skies.
All around the cathedral the saints and apostles
Look down as she sells her wares.
Although you can't see it, you know they are smiling
Each time someone shows that he cares.
Though her words are simple and few,
Listen, listen, she's calling to you:
"Feed the birds, tuppence a bag,
Tuppence, tuppence, tuppence a bag."
"Feed the birds, tuppence a bag"...

My Sacred Life - Day 26

2007-09-30T14:29:00.001-07:00

Going with the flow
So, this morning a routine oil change went from $35 to $284 when I found I needed 2 new rear tires... eep. I'm just happy that I have it covered and a little left for any other surprise that may pop up. While waiting for the work to be done, I walked up and down the mall, something I rarely do. I am not crazy about shopping malls. I've never been one to subscribe to designer names or trends. I'm quite comfy in my jeans and tee shirt, usually from Costco or on a sale rack! So... really, there's not a lot in malls that make me go WHEEEEE... aside from the quat coffee caramel bomb that make me resemble a muppet on drugs! It was nice though, quiet Sunday morning... was actually kinda fun to my surprise.
I snapped this photo of the carousel. I haven't been on one in ages and probably don't see myself on one anytimes soon - but it made me smile. I use to love the carousel when I was little... and seemed to be drawn to it anytime at the fair or amusement park. I guess the still draw me in and catch my attention. :)

Not at all how I remember it but always appreciated the twist...

Carousel - Siouxsie and the Banshees

You clamber up
And look behind
Their watchful eyes
The helping hands
A hen that's fierce
And painted blue
With red eyes
Wants to swallow you
A dragon dives and soars on tracks
The hands that strap you to its back
You turn around and look behind
Their smiling eyes
Won't help you down
Their tiny hands
Their tiny feet
Such little hearts
To miss a beat
Grotesque dwarves in mirrored rooms
Pulled and taut a thousand yous
Staring back through stinging tears
Remembering those funhouse thrills
The paintbox tunes and wild balloons
Their watchful eyes, you start to swoon
Oh painted vile in lurid hue
The snarling horse that waits for you
Its motor whirrs and colours curl
Inside your head the monsters whirl
Its motor whirrs and colours curl
Inside your head the monsters whirl
In sucked out
Time stood still
Roundabout back
Carousel
Time stood still
And you remember it well
Carousel

My Sacred Life - Day 25

2007-09-29T20:16:00.001-07:00

Dessert from Whole Foods!
Sometimes you just have to splurge. I LOVE Whole Foods but their name should probably be Whole Paycheck! Sometimes ya just have to go anyway...
I spent the day unwinding after a long week... one that seemed to last twice as long as it should - not bad mind you, just long.
I returned some books to the library and stocked up on a new pile of cookbooks to oooh and awe at.
I spent the late afternoon at Beverly's Fabrics customer appreciation day. The line went around the store which made me giggle a bit and had some nice conversation with a few ladies in line with me. There was such a line that there were a few employees with baskets of cookies and bottled water. After 15 minutes in line, I got in... and then realized that the checkout line wrapped around the back of the store... so, my battle with patience kicked my butt. I left shortly after and consoled the loss of 40% off with a trio of deadly yummies... coconut tapioca pudding, vegan chocolate mousse and mixed berry scones by sconehendge... mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, bliss.
Actually, I had planned on the coconut tapioca but somehow, the idea of consolation for not shopping takes the bite out of disregarding my diet. hehehehehe
I'm all for calorie free days... just not too often. :)
Tonight... I have some crafting time set aside and some reading... and I think a long hot bath.

Mr Blue - Yazoo

Winter sounds the crying
Like an old man slowly dying
And the only sound, the wind that fills the trees
Even colder comes the moon
And though it never seems too soon
A sudden stillness as the rainfall starts to freeze
I'm Mr. Blue
I'm here to stay with you
And no matter what you do
When you're lonely - I'll be lonely too
A young girl, she is shaded
Bears the scars that never faded
Of the baby that was born on Christmas Day
While the heavens sing their song
A child's life is never long
'Cos the food supplies will only last a day
I'm Mr. Blue
I'm here to stay with you
And no matter what you do
When you're lonely - I'll be lonely too
Patriot emotion, is the cause of the commotion
After all there's really no-one here to blame
Soldiers taking orders, 'cos we must defend the borders
Of our nation (and the other side's the same)
I'm Mr. Blue
I'm here to stay with you
And no matter what you do
When you're lonely - I'll be lonely too
I'll come to you at night
When all the world is sleeping tight
And lie beside you, 'til the early morning dew
You can't hear me, you can't see
But you can feel me when you read
The folded letter she left addressed to you

My Sacred Life - Day 24

2007-09-27T14:32:00.001-07:00

Rumi as translated by Maryam Mafi & Azima Melita Kolin

Invoking Your name
does not help me to see You.
I'm blinded by the light of your face.
Longing for Your lips
does not bring them any closer.
What veils You from me
is my vision of You.

The Friend who cannot be seen is the most
subtle and precious.
The work that cannot be seen is the most
refined.
The cleaverest of all is the one who does not
deceive himself
for he has deceived deceit.

Seek the wisdom
that will untie your knot
seek the path
that demands your whole being.
Leave that which is not, but appears
to be
seek that which is, but is
not apparent.

When you see the face of anger
look behind it
and you will see the face of pride.
Bring anger and pride
under your feet, turn them into a ladder
and climb higher.
There is no peace until you become
their master.
Let of of anger, it may taste sweet
but it kills.
Don't become its victim
you need humility to climb to freedom.

I said what about my eyes?
"Keep them on the road."
I said what about my passion?
"Keep it burning."
I said what about my heart.
"Tell me what you hold inside it?"
I said pain and sorrow.
He said:
"stay with it"

I was going to tell you my story
but waves of pain drowned my voice.
I tried to utter a word but my thoughts
became fragile and shattered like glass.
Even the largest ship can capsize
in the stormy sea of love,
let alone my feeble boat
which shattered to pieces leaving me nothing
but a strip of wood to hold on to.
Small and helpless, rising to heaven
on one wave of love and falling with the next
I don't even know if I am or I am not.
When I think I am, I find myself worthless,
when I think I am not, I find my value.
Like my thoughts, I die and rise again each day
so how can I doubt the resurrection?
Tired of hunting for love in this world,
at last I surrender in the valley of love
and become free.

Hidden from all
I will speak to you without words.
No one but you will hear my story
even if I tell it in the middle of a crowd.

I have come to drag you out of your self
and take you in my heart.
I have come to bring out the beauty
you never knew you had
and lift you like a prayer to the sky.
If no one can recognize you, I do
because you are my life and soul.
Don't run away, accept your wounds and
let bravery be your shield.
It takes a thousand stages
for the perfect being to evolve.
Every step of the way I will walk with you
and never leave you stranded.
Be patient, do not open the lid too soon
simmer away until you are ready.
In this game I make the rules.
I roll you like a ball and chase you
when I choose.

In a dream my lover came
searching through my body
for the state of love.
When he could not find it
he drew his dagger and stabbed
my heart.

I am in love not only
with his smile and radiant face
but also with his wrath and contempt.
He has asked for my head
I do not care if I lose it
what makes me ecstatic is
Him asking.

Why are you so afraid of silence,
silence is the root of everything.
If you spiral into its voice
a hundred voices will thunder messages
you long to hear.

Your generosity is vaster than the sea
it does not wait for tomorrow.
No need to ask You for anything.
Does anyone ever ask the Sun for light?

I am the spirit moon
with no place.
You do not see me for I am hidden
inside the soul.
Others want you for themselves but I call you
back to yourself.
You give me many names but I am
beyond all names.
Sometimes you say I am deceitful
but as long as you are
I will be too.
Until you remain blind and deaf
I will be invisible.
Iam the garden of all gardens
I speak as the King of all flowers
Iam the spring of all waters.
My words are like a ship and the sea
is their meaning.
Come to me and I will take you
to the depthds of spirit.

GHAZAL (Urdu poetry by Sauda) - Niyaz

Your heart cannot be won by me
nor can my soul bear this restlessness.
Need is a burden which cannot be revealed
therefore I remain silent.
Whenever you are before me
my eyes fill with tears that are unable to flow,
like an ocean that stands still
at the sight of you passing by

I was able to see Niyaz with the Goddesses of my life, my sisters, in Seattle a few years ago. They blend contemporary and traditional styles with many of the songs based on the works of Rumi. You can find more info at niyazmusic.com

My Sacred Life - Day 23

2007-09-27T13:43:00.001-07:00

Woohooo - Alligator CD holder!

Amazing what you find when you aren't looking for anything in particular. I went to Target the other day to stock up on some blank CDs and saw this little fellow. I found a home for him on my printer for when I'm working on files... he holds all my current favorite tunes (which change regularly!)
I really enjoy things that are different. Things that make you smile or laugh for no reason... these things are little angels that can make a day.
Probably off to make more CDs so he can chomp on a new set.

Also - just wanted to throw this out. I've had a few comments on the lyrics and music choices I add for my daily song. I am constantly making copies of tunes I collect and if anyone would like a random CD... and if you feel comfy, email me a mailing addy and I will put something together just for you. You can email me at wildgod13@comcast.net.
I think music is an interesting medium to get to know people and share views.

Time To Say Goodbye - Sarah Brightman (feat. Andrea Bocelli)

Quando sono sola
sogno all'orizzonte
e mancan le parole,
si lo so che non c'è luce
in una stanza quando manca il sole,
se non ci sei tu con me, con me.
Su le finestre
mostra a tutti il mio cuore
che hai accesso,
chiudi dentro me
la luce che
hai incontrato per strada.
Time to say goodbye.
Paesi che non ho mai
veduto e vissuto con te,
adesso si li vivrò.
Con te partirò
su navi per mari
che, io lo so,
no, no, non esistono più,
it's time to say goodbye.
Quando sei lontana
sogno all'orizzonte
e mancan le parole,
e io si lo so
che sei con me con me,
tu mia luna tu sei qui con me,
mio sole tu sei qui, con me,
con me, con me, con me.
Time to say goodbye.
Paesi che non ho mai
veduto e vissuto con te,
adesso sì li vivrò.
Con te partirò
su navi per mari
che, io lo so,
no, no, non esistono più
con te io li rivivrò.
Con te partirò
su navi per mari
che, io lo so,
no, no, non esistono più,
con te io li rivivrò.
Con te partirò.
Io con te

Time to say goodbye (Translation)

When I'm alone
I dream of the horizon
and words fail;
yes, I know there is no light
in a room where the sun is absent,
if you are not here with me.
At the windows
show everyone my heart
which you set alight;
enclose within me
the light you
encountered on the street.
Time to say goodbye.
to countries I never
saw and shared with you,
now, yes, I shall experience them.
I'll go with you
on ships across seas
which, I know,
no, no, exist no longer;
it's time to say goodbye.
When you are far away
I dream of the horizon
and words fail,
and, yes, I know
that you are with me;
you, my moon, are here with me,
my sun, you are here with me
with me, with me, with me.
Time to say goodbye.
I'll go with you
to countries I never
saw and shared with you,
now, yes, I shall experience them.
I'll go with you
on ships across seas
which, I know,
no, no, exist no longer,
with you I shall experience them again.
I'll go with you
on ships across seas
which, I know,
no, no, exist no longer,
with you I shall experience them again.
I'll go with you.
You and me.

My Sacred Life - Day 22

2007-09-25T16:58:00.001-07:00

Feeding a Healthy Addiction

So... after a long day at work I went to Michael's to pick up some fall foliage for some projects... and guess what!?!?!?! All their fall seasonal items were 50% off. *HAPPY DANCE*
So... not only do I have enough to finish my current project... but at least enough for the next 3!
Crafting is therepy for me as much as it's fun and entertaining. I usually craft in my room with incense, candles and some good music to keep me company and my muses happy. It makes me happy.

Words that amaze me...

Seek the wisdom
that will untie your knot
seek the path
that demands your whole being.
Leave that which is not, but appears
to be
seek that which is, but is
not apparent.
- Rumi

Through love,
Disaster becomes
Good fortune.
Through love,
A prison becomes
A garden.
-Rumi

I searched for God and found only myself. I searched for myself and found only God
-Sufi proverb

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affect ion.
-Buddha

Buddhist Forgiveness Prayer
If I have harmed anyone, in any way, either knowingly or unknowingly through my own confusions, I ask forgiveness.
If anyone has harmed me, in any way, either knowingly or unknowingly through their own confusions, I forgive them.
And if there is a situation that I am not ready to forgive, I forgive myself for that.
For all the ways that I harm myself,
negate, doubt, belittle myself, judge or be unkind to myself
through my own confusions,
I forgive myself.

Earth teach me quiet ~ as the grasses are still with new light.
Earth teach me suffering ~ as old stones suffer with memory.
Earth teach me humility ~ as blossoms are humble with beginning.
Earth teach me caring ~ as mothers nurture their young.
Earth teach me courage ~ as the tree that stands alone.
Earth teach me limitation ~ as the ant that crawls on the ground.
Earth teach me freedom ~ as the eagle that soars in the sky.
Earth teach me acceptance ~ as the leaves that die each fall.
Earth teach me renewal ~ as the seed that rises in the spring.
Earth teach me to forget myself ~ as melted snow forgets its life.
Earth teach me to remember kindness ~ as dry fields weep with rain.
-Ute Prayer

Laughter from one of my fave movies... and I freely and open heartedly admit - I love Drop Dead Fred!

One of Your Smiles - Dierdre (Dubois)

I wish I knew what to call that place
Deep in the core of my within
For once I was like the ocean
And that's where you would always begin
You are more than the ocean
You are more than the moon
You are more like the stars in the sky
While you are wearing one of your smiles
And if I tried to see you now
You'd be dancing across the sky
And you'd be wearing your gypsy clothes
You'd be wearing one of your smiles

You are more than the ocean
You are more than the moon
You are more like the stars in the sky
While you are wearing one of your smiles
Something so pure about the love you gave
Nothing I know defines
You seem to drift but you carry me
While you are wearing one of your smiles
You are more than the ocean
You are more than the moon
You are more like the stars in the sky
While you are wearing one of your smiles
Ten thousand miles couldn't keep you
For you were more like the wind
All my life I will seek you
Deep in the core of my within
And if I tried to see you now
You'd be dancing across the sky
And you'd be wearing your gypsy clothes
And You'd be wearing one of your smiles
One of your smiles
Oh one of your smiles

My Sacred Life - Day 21

2007-09-25T16:04:00.000-07:00

Who I Was*Who I am*Who I Will Be

While having break with a coworker this past week, the subject of change came up. She's been thinking about looking for work elsewhere and is frustrated with the prospects with limited experience and education. As we continued talking, regret and "what if" entered the conversation. She asked me what I wanted to do, if time and money weren't an issue. What kind of job would I want. What changed would I make if I could go back and change certain choices or take opportunities I hadn't.
I said I wanted to be happy but I find more and more that happy is a choice. It's not so much as having things or a high paying job (thought that's a fun thought), for me, as it is feeling that I've done something at the end of the day or that I'm feeding my spirit. I haven't felt very happy with work but I find many moment of happiness while I'm at work. I do believe in the power of positive thinking - tho not that I feel that alone will make the world pretty and perfect - but it can make change and adjustments much more pleasant and peaceful. I think when we bring our best self forward, it ripples. The whole idea of moving forward with grace... or moving forward, kicking and screaming and the top of your lungs. Either way - time moves on. Somehow, with the "fullness" of life, I could do without kicking and screaming. hehehe
When I think of going back to change things or regrets... I can say with a pretty quick response - no, I would not. I have some regrets, minor... wishing I had spent more time with a friends or loved ones who've crossed over, slowing down and being present - enjoying the moment. But as far as BIG changes - no. I have made some horrendous mistakes... perhaps mistakes aren't the right word... some bad choices that have taught me invaluable lessons. All of the things I've done, experienced and the choices I've made by my own free will are my responsibility and my gift... and all these things make up the sum of who I am today. I like myself. I am learning how to love myself.
My twenties were about ego, arrogance and falling on my face... picking myself up and falling again. When I think back to the person I was... there are some wonderful memories and things I embrace. There are also many shadows and less than nice, kind or courteous moments. Not having much life experience in the real world and thinking that I had everything figured out (insert HUGE laughter here). The future seemed so far away and I felt like I had time. Time to experiment, find myself and sometimes be careless and thoughtless.
My thirties started with a huge reality check. Though I've worked since I was 13, I wasn't wise with my money throughout my teens and twenties. I used my credit to keep us above the water for a time but really, some really bad spending choices as well. I went through a Chapter 13 and hit a low that I thought I would never experience. Financial reality, responsibility, consequence... so much and although there were times at that point, I remember hoping I wouldn't wake up when I went to bed... now... now - I see that this was probably the most incredible gift. I had to look at my life... I had to look at my choices... I had to think of the future... I had to be realistic... I had to wake up. I put one foot in front of the other and moved... slowly but forward. I started looking at what I wanted to manifest and what no longer serves me. I had to make changes - cut unhealthy habits and people out of my life and build on all the healthy blessings I had but perhaps never appreciated until everything burst. It was like a dam breaking... all the water ... all the emotion. I can honestly say that before this happened, it was like my life was a black and white photo. After... it became color.
Thank Goddess that I've collected a tiny bit common sense and a teaspoon of wisdom.
So... bad choices - hell yeah. But again, I don't think I'd appreciate life as I have it now, had I not been gifted with choice and the choices I've made.
It's also made the process of making choices a bit easier, sometimes no less painful, but a little life experience goes a long way.
I went through a box of photos I hadn't visited in a long time and through a collage of myself. Different ages and mindsets... but all me. There are some images that I embrace and a few that are very hard to look at. But it's me... light, dark and in between and... thankfully, growing.

32 Flavors - Ani Defranco

squint your eyes and look closer
I'm not between you and your ambition
I am a poster girl with no poster
I am thirty-two flavors and then some
and I'm beyond your peripheral vision
so you might want to turn your head
cause someday you're going to get hungry
and eat most of the words you just said
both my parents taught me about good will
and I have done well by their names
just the kindness I've lavished on strangers
is more than I can explain
still there's many who've turned out their porch lights
just so I would think they were not home
and hid in the dark of their windows
til I'd passed and left them alone
and god help you if you are an ugly girl
course too pretty is also your doom
cause everyone harbors a secret hatred
for the prettiest girl in the room
and god help you if you are a pheonix
and you dare to rise up from the ash
a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy
while you are just flying back
I'm not trying to give my life meaning
by demeaning you
and I would like to state for the record
I did everything that I could do
I'm not saying that I'm a saint
I just don't want to live that way
no, I will never be a saint
but I will always say
squint your eyes and look closer
I'm not between you and your ambition
I am a poster girl with no poster
I am thirty-two flavors and then some
And I'm beyond your peripheral vision
So you might want to turn your head
Cause someday you might find you're starving
and eating all of the words you said

My Sacred Life - Day 20

2007-09-23T11:54:00.000-07:00

I found this photo online under a "rain" search.

I didn't do anything but listen to the rain, listen to music, write and think about my week. I didn't take a photo, hence the web photo - which I love.
I absolutely LOVE rain.
When I was growing up in IL, we would have the most incredible storms - lightning, thunder, rain... and it was so wonderful. It was like another world. I loved the flashes of light illuminating the room, the roar of the storm and later the rain... as if to wash all the noise, grime and anger away leaving a song... a soothing song that I'd try to stay awake and listen to but always being lulled to sleep.
I've always been in love with rain as early as I can remember. It's not an odd sight to see me whirling around outside during a rainstorm... tho some would find that an odd behavior altogether I suppose. It's soothing, cleansing and brings my senses alive. The feel, the taste, the sound, the shimmering drops... and always... always the lovely scent afterwards. It renews my hope somehow... it grasps me and demands that I be present and listen. Be still, listen... and be aware. I am usually stuck with the need to write or work with my hands when it rains. It's as if the muses ignite all these thoughts and a million lightbulbs go on... and sometimes - it's just to lie and listen... which was much of the case yesterday.
I thought about my month and all the wonderful things I had been able to accomplish... not at all all those little things that didn't get done, or "failures" or anything "negative".
Little victories that make me happy...
-Reservations made/confirmed for Pantheacon
-Conf that a great number of my family from WA will be attending Pantheacon...
*I can already hear the odd conversations and insane laughter with Gaelan after long days of deep connections thru ritual, lectures, presentations, writing, singing/chant and dance... yay. Thank Gods for laughter... beautiful medicine and sacred indeed.
-An extended weekend in the near future
-Care packages sent out
-Walking with the divine among the ancient trees several times
-Moving out of my comfort zone... and letting go
-Surrender
So so much... just feeling blessed and so grateful.

Language just doesn't express... a lovely day... much needed introspection... beautiful reminder to make time to be still.

But Not Tonight - Depeche Mode

Oh God, it's raining
But I'm not complaining
It's filling me up
With new life
The stars in the sky
Bring tears to my eyes
They're lighting my way
Tonight
And I haven't felt so alive
In years
Just for a day
On a day like today
I'll get away from this
Constant debauchery
The wind in my hair
Makes me so aware
How good it is to live
Tonight
And I haven't felt so alive
In years
The moon
Is shining in the sky
Reminding me
Of so many other nights
But they're not like tonight
Oh God, it's raining
And I'm not containing
My pleasure at being
So wet
Here on my own
All on my own
How good it feels to be alone
Tonight
And I haven't felt so alive
In years
The moon
Is shining in the sky
Reminding me
Of so many other nights
When my eyes have been so red
I've been mistaken for dead
But not tonight

My Sacred Life - Day 19

2007-09-21T17:25:00.001-07:00

Gift from the garden

The Rose - Bette Midler

Some say love it is a river
that drowns the tender reed
Some say love it is a razer
that leaves your soul to blead
Some say love it is a hunger
an endless aching need
I say love it is a flower
and you it's only seed
It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of wakingthat never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
who cannot seem to give
and the soul afraid of dyingthat never learns to live
When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been too long
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winterfar beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed
that with the sun's love
in the spring
becomes the rose

My Sacred Life - Day 19

2007-09-20T14:06:00.000-07:00

Greeting the morning

One of the things I love about my job is that it's tucked away near some mountains and trees. I usually take my first break to catch the sun as he begins his journey.
This morning I spent a good portion of it watching three hummingbirds feed, fly and play. I rarely see them together and two in particular seemed to be playing tag. It was a beautiful way to start the day.

Hummingbirds - Venus Hum

some of my favourite colours in the world
beat against my eyelids
with the blues of green hummingbirds
some of my favourite colours in the world
beat against my eyelids
with the reds of pink hummingbirds
blue moon, so white
so scared to come out tonight
it's too dark for him
he's just a boy with a man's grin
crane and the swan
wingspan across lake's silver light
the ivory night
some of my favourite colours in the world
beat against my eyelids
with the blues of green hummingbirds
some of my favourite colours in the world
beat against my eyelids
with the reds of pink hummingbirds
godiva girl
swimming in chocolate
winged foil heart cardinals
oh, but february stopped it
red bird scared white
she's just a girl with a woman's smile
crane and the swan
wingspan across green apple ponds
and red apple skies
some of my favourite colours in the world
beat against my eyelids
with the blues of green hummingbirds
some of my favourite colours in the world
beat against my eyelids
with the reds of pink hummingbirds
with the reds of pink hummingbirds
(hummingbirds...)
i want to be mean
i want to be queen
i want to be marvelous
paint me the colors of...
some of my favorite colors in the world
beat against my eyelids
with the blues of green hummingbirds
some of my favorite colors in the world
beat against my eyelids
with the reds of pink hummingbirds

My Sacred Life - Day 18

2007-09-19T14:26:00.001-07:00

When I was little, I loved receiving mail. It was always fun to run to the mailbox and scramble through the envelopes and if there were one for me... wooohoooo, it was like I had won the lottery!
As an adult, I love to get mail! Some things just don't change... well, perhaps I should state with the exception of bills.
I use email for work and a means of quick communication but there's something about writing a letter... handwriting - what a concept or picking out a card. Stationary is a downfall for me... one of my many which also include office supplies, kitchenware and power tools. Go figure.
I often will go to a stationary shop and make a huge purchase because I'll find cards that call to me. I may not have a person in mind at that particular time, but I know it'll find the right person at the right time.

Love Letters - Alison Moyet (cover version)

Love letters straight
From your heart
Keep us so near
While apart
I'm not alone in the night
When I can have all the love
That you write
I memorize every line
And I kiss the name
That you sign
And darling then
I read again
Right from the start
Love letters straight
From your heart
I memorize every line
And I kiss the name
That you sign
And darling then
I read again
Right from the start
Love letters straight
From your heart

... and here's the video! :) Gotta love the big 80s hair!

My Sacred Life - Day 17

2007-09-18T19:20:00.000-07:00

I took a personal day off to drive up the coast, talk to the trees and read some poetry.
Sacred hookey. The little kid in me was quite giddy.
I needed a day away and without commitments - to think, rethink and let go.
I picked up this bouquet of sunflowers on my way home.
They just make me smile.

That's All That I Want From You - Nina Simone

A little love that slowly
grows and grows
Not one that comes and goes
That's all I want from you
A sunny day with hopes up
to the skies
Not a day that comes and
dies
That's all I want from you
Don't let me down, oh show
me that you care
Remember when you give, you
also get your share
Don't let me down, I have
no time to wait
Tomorrow might not come,
when dreamers dream too late
A little love that slowly
grows and grows
Not one that comes and goes
That's all I want from you
A sunny day with hopes up
to the skies
Not one that comes and dies
That's all I want from you
Don't let me down, oh show
me that you care
Remember when you give, you
also get your share
Don't let me down, I have
no time to wait
Tomorrow might not come,
when dreamers dream too late
A little love that slowly
grows and grows
Not one that comes and goes
That's all I want from you

My Sacred Life - Day 16

2007-09-18T19:08:00.000-07:00

Expression
I love forms of expression. Music, poetry, writing, crafting... it's a way to reconnect, look at different views, and sometimes step back into yourself or meet a part of yourself that is starting to wake... or change.
I like keeping my hands busy. I like to create things... it's therepy and it's also a part of me. An extension, expression and need I have. It is a blessing to find outlets to renew faith, spirit and joy.

New Song - Howard Jones

I've been waiting for so long
To come here now and sing this song
Don't be fooled by what you see
Don't be fooled by what you hear
This is a song to all my friends
They take the challenge to their hearts
Challenging preconceived ideas
Saying goodbye to long standing fears
Don't crack up
Bend your brain
See both sides
Throw off your mental chains
I don't wanna be hip and cool
I don't wanna play by the rules
Not under the thumb of the cynical few
Or laden down by the doom crew

My Sacred Life - Day 15

2007-09-18T18:31:00.000-07:00

I wasn't able to post a few days ago.
I found this photo while flipping through some files of past trips I've taken. It was taken in one of the cemetaries in Everett on my first trip to WA. It strikes me on many levels because of the contrasts... the crypt, the chain, the lock and the flowers - dried. Equally are the complex feelings I experience when I compare this to how some of my past choices reflect a certain similar feeling of longing, sadness and haunting. It's funny how some issues seem to manifest when you think you're on top of things and then.. wham.
My weekend was less than gracefull. All of my close connections are with women. I know this is hugely because of my connection with my feminine side, ability to express my emotions freely and the intimacy level that I am able to give and receive.
I have issues with men on the intimacy level of relationship. It's very hard for me to let my guard down or interact with men.... not to mention trust issues. I've longed for male companionship, a good friend with whom I can trust, be myself with and share with. At the same time, that terrifies me. I've been chatting with a an online pal I made a month or so ago who's local and shares many interest. I had the opprotunity to meet him and have lunch. It was a tentative meeting and I had thought how nice it would be to sit face to face, talk and be able to see his eyes when talking. Eyes are a big thing for me and I love talking with friends or loved ones so I can see their expressions, eyes and feel their energy. It's different from online or the phone. As the day came closer and closer, I began to feel an apprehension. A want to hide. I think... no, I know... that on a subconscious level, I decided that I would not meet him. He called Sunday afternoon as he said he would. I was in the other room and when I realized it was him... I just froze. I wanted to answer the phone, I should have answered the phone... but I didn't.
I felt disappointed in myself. Not for just for not answering but for the obviously blatent rudeness of not answering. These are MY issues. I know this... I know this... but my heart and mind were on such different pages - different books. I'm an honest person but I felt anything but honest and so small and just wrong. Still, I didn't answer.
I wrote a letter later that evening explaining, very honestly, some of my issues and how regardless of my issues, it was no excuse to be rude.
I did receive a response the next day and was so warmed by his words and understanding. He expressed that he wanted to get to know me and develop the friendship we've begun online. I'm relieved and scared... and still profoundly disappointed in myself.
I hate disappointment.
It was a HUGE step backwards.
I didn't post because I felt a bit too much and words didn't come... or they came but not in a stream of reason or sense... just words. Words fail.
I'm sitting with this and am feeling better, still a bit raw but better.
I realize I will step back from time to time and won't always be the person I'd always like to be... and I need to embrace the lesson and not the negative. Growth and gifts are definitely not always comfortable... but beautiful for what they are. Ouch.

Another Mystery - Dar Williams

Get off your cat walk, I want you to talk
To be the seer instead of the seen
There is a flower, a leaning tower
And all of the wonders standing between
I don’t want to be another mystery oh no
I don’t want to see who’s looking at me oh no
I want to be the one to feel the sun oh oh
So if you want to see the world with me let’s go
The alligator, the God that made her
And all the creatures that got left behind
In mycnnae, ave maria
And everything you gotta dig harder to find
I don’t want to be a vapor of heavenly light
Everybody guess if I’m an angel or sprite
I don’t want to be another mystery oh no
I don’t want to see who’s looking at me oh no
I want to be the one to feel the sun oh oh
So if you want to see the world with me let’s go
You could pursue it, hell I could do it
I’ll just be quiet when I get angry and hurt
I’m stopping traffic, cinemagraphic
With my long black coat hanging down in the dirt
And my hair clinging to my face in the rain
Like a goddess from the cult of beautiful pain
I don’t want to be another mystery
I don’t want to be another mystery
I could cut you off with a shoulder of stone
Smoke all night and leave the party alone
Screw myself with an inscrutable pout
But I just want you to come figure me out
I don’t want to be another mystery oh no
I don’t want to see who’s looking at me oh no
I want to be the one to feel the sun oh oh
So if you want to see the world with me let’s go
I don’t want to be another mystery

My Sacred Life - Day 14

2007-09-15T22:45:00.000-07:00

What a wonderful Saturday afternoon!
It was one of those days where neither of us had plans and wanted to roam about. We set off early in the afternoon with no particular destination and hopped from shops to bakeries and coffee and ending with groceries. I snapped this photo at Mountain Mike's where we waited for her combo and my veggie pizzas... yum-o and no cooking or dishes for me. YAY.
I love spending time with my Mom. I'm not only blessed to have her as my Mom but also my best friend. When I think of her, I think of the person I'd most like to be. She is and has always been my hero.
Whenever I think of her... I think unconditional love. She's strong, warm, sensitive and wise. Her laughter is like music and her words ring with truth.
I love the lines on her face... signs of a life lived full with integrity, kindness and continuing growth. She hates her wrinkles... I love them. Besides... I think I'm a cause for a good number of them! :)
It's funny how our roles have changed over the past 10 years. I love caring for her, though she's not your typical seventy something. She' active, quick and in all honesty as sharp as she was when she was 50. Of course there are changes and it's still difficult for her to acknowledge some of the shifts and physical limitations. She's always been very independent and is starting, reluctantly, to ask for more help. I think she sometimes feels that she bothers me. That couldn't be further from the truth. I love that she's with me. I love our relationship. I love spending time with her. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I have loved one's who aren't close with their mothers, who lost their mothers when they were young or don't have a healthy relationship with them. When they meet her, they can't believe how close we are. How much alike we are... which always gets both our goats. lol Regardless of age, I will always be her baby as she says. I have to admit, I don't mind that at all.
My heart is full tonight... full of gratitude, joy and warmth... words can't express.

Under the Skin - Olivia Newton John

Don't believe the mirror
Cause mirrors sometimes lie
If you wanna see
the way you look to me
look into my eyes
you are beautiful to me
from without and from within
you are beautiful to me
under the skin
when i tell you that you're special
you don't believe it's true
you only see what's changed
but to me you're still the same
there's no one quite like you
you are beautiful to me
from without and from within
you are beautiful to me
under the skin
like a morning rose
reaching for the sun
from without and from within
you are beautiful to me
under the skin
under the skin

My Sacred Life - Day 13

2007-09-14T20:39:00.001-07:00

Happiness finds you if you let it.

Words that move me...

If you look deeply into the palm of your hand, you will see your parents and all generations of your ancestors. All of them are alive in this moment. Each is present in your body. You are the continuation of each of these people.
-Thich Nhat Hanh

With humility comes the willingness to stop trying to control or change other people or life situations or events ostensibly 'for their own good'. To be a committed spiritual seeker, it is necessary to relinquish the desire to be 'right' or of imaginary value to society. In fact, nobody's ego or belief systems are of any value to society at all. The world is neither good nor bad nor defective, nor is it in need of help or modification because its appearance is only a projection of one's own mind. No such world exists.
David R. Hawkins

See if you can catch yourself complaining in either speech or thought, about a situation you find yourself in, what other people do or say, your surroundings, your life situation, even the weather. To complain is always nonacceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness.
-Eckhart Tolle

Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself, and yourself alone, one question . . . Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn't it is of no use. Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart, the other doesn't. One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it. The other will make you curse your life. One makes you strong; the other weakens you.
-Carlos Castaneda

Men do not attract that which they want, but that which they are.
-James Allen

Heaven on Earth is a choice you must make, not a place you must find.
-Wayne Dyer

The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.
-Marcel Proust

To touch the soul of another human being is to walk on holy ground.
-Stephen Covey

This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.
-Dalai Lama

Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we have learned here. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and the acceptance of love back into our hearts.
-Marianne Williamson

Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways.
-Stephen Vincent Benet

We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey.
-Stephen Covey

Hold up your hands before your eyes.
You are looking at the hands of God.
-Rabbi Lawrence Kushner

Right now, and in every now-moment, you are either closing or opening. You are either stressfully waiting for something - more money, security, affection - or you are living from your deep heart, opening as the entire moment, and giving what you most deeply desire to give, without waiting.
-David Deida

When we leave this world, how much we have loved will be our true legacy. It is the only thing we will leave behind and carry with us.
-Anne Siloy

When we avoid the legitimate suffering that results from dealing with problems, we also avoid the growth that problems demand from us.
-Scott Peck

Past and future are in the mind only - I am now.
-Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

There comes a time when the pain of continuing exceeds the pain of stopping. At that moment, a threshold is crossed. What seemed unthinkable becomes thinkable. Slowly, the realization emerges that the choice to continue what you have been doing is the choice to live in discomfort, and the choice to stop what you have been doing is the choice to breathe deeply and freely again. Once that realization has emerged, you can either honor it or ignore it, but you cannot forget it. What has become known can not become unknown again.
-Gary Zukav

The lust for comfort murders the passions of the soul.
-Kahlil Gibran

If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
-Mother Teresa

The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.
-Thomas Merton

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
-Dalai Lama

You can become blind by seeing each day as a similar one. Each day is a different one, each day brings a miracle of its own. It's just a matter of paying attention to this miracle.
-Paulo Coelho

Everyday, God gives us the sun - and also one moment in which we have the ability to change everything...
-Paulo Coelho

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.
-Dalai Lama

In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you.
-Deepak Chopra

It's also helpful to realize that this very body that we have, that's sitting right here right now... with its aches and it pleasures... is exactly what we need to be fully human, fully awake, fully alive.
-Pema Chodron

Awake. Be the witness of your thoughts. You are what observes, not what you observe.
-Buddha

You must understand the whole of life, not just
one little part of it. That is why you must read, that is why you must look at the skies, that is why you must sing and dance, and write poems, and suffer, and understand, for all that is life.
-Jiddu Krishnamurti

To undertake a genuine spiritual path is not to avoid difficulties but to learn the art of making mistakes wakefully, to bring them to the transformative power of our heart.
-Jack Kornfield

The mistake people make is to wait for something to happen to them before they begin searching. They want the voice of God, or something, to tell them to get started. Or maybe they know they should be doing something but they procrastinate, hoping that tomorrow they'll have more conviction and be more determined. What they forget is there may be no tomorrow for them.
-Richard Rose

Most people tell you they want to get out of kindergarten, but don't believe them. Don't believe them! All they want you to do is to mend their broken toys. "Give me back my wife. Give me back my job. Give me back my money. Give me back my reputation, my success." This is what they want; they want their toys replaced. That's all. Even the best psychologist will tell you that, that people don't really want to be cured. What they want is relief; a cure is painful.
-Anthony De Mello

Love is misunderstood to be an emotion; actually, it is a state of awareness, a way of being in the world, a way of seeing oneself and others.
-David R. Hawkins

The game is not about becoming somebody, it's about becoming nobody.
-Ram Dass

Know that you can not help but judge. What you then do with your judgment is the choice.
-Story Waters

Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live in every experience, painful or joyous, to live in gratitude for every moment, to live abundantly.
-Dorothy Thompson

"Why is everyone here so happy except me?"
"Because they have learned to see goodness and beauty everywhere," said the Master.
"Why don't I see goodness and beauty everywhere?"
"Because you cannot see outside of you what you fail to see inside."
-Anthony De Mello

Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words.
Keep your words positive because your words become your behaviors.
Keep your behaviors positive because your behaviors become your habits.
Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values.
Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.
-Gandhi

All attack is a call for help.
-Neale Donald Walsch

Non-Duality

The bell tolls at four in the morning.
I stand by the window,
barefoot on the cool floor.
The garden is still dark.
I wait for the mountains and rivers to reclaim their shapes.
There is no light in the deepest hours of the night.
Yet, I know you are there
in the depth of the night,
the immeasurable world of the mind.
You, the known, have been there
ever since the knower has been.

The dawn will come soon,
and you will see
that you and the rosy horizon
are within my two eyes.
It is for me that the horizon is rosy
and the sky blue.
Looking at your image in the clear stream,
you answer the question by your very presence.
Life is humming the song of the non-dual marvel.
I suddenly find myself smiling
in the presence of this immaculate night.
I know because I am here that you are there,
and your being has returned to show itself
in the wonder of tonight's smile.
In the quiet stream,
I swim gently.
The murmur of the water lulls my heart.
A wave serves as a pillow
I look up and see
a white cloud against the blue sky,
the sound of Autumn leaves,
the fragrance of hay-
each one a sign of eternity.
A bright star helps me find my way back to myself.

I know because you are there that I am here.
The stretching arm of cognition
in a lightning flash,
joining together a million eons of distance,
joining together birth and death,
joining together the known and the knower.

In the depth of the night,
as in the immeasurable realm of consciousness,
the garden of life and I
remain each other's objects.
The flower of being is singing the song of emptiness.

The night is still immaculate,
but sounds and images from you
have returned and fill the pure night.
I feel their presence.
By the window, with my bare feet on the cool floor,
I know I am here
for you to be.

-Thich Nhat Hanh

And the song for the day... *drum roll* hehehe

I Shall Be Free
Kid Beyond

One day I went walkin down Lonesome Road
And I came upon a stranger is some funky clothes
He said he was a soldier
I said, where’s your gun
He said, I don't got no weapon and I don't need one
I don't need no weapon cause I don't fight no war
I said, Well than Mr Soldier - what you fighting for
Well he didn't say nothinr> He just smiled at me
And then I heard him whisper
You shall be free

Well excuse me mister
Are you sayin I ain't free
Well I don't see no shackles or no chains on me
He said, we're chained to our hatred
and shackled by greed
Too blind to see the wonder and they mystery
We got to love one another
Give our love so strong.
Love your brother man even when he treats you wrong
And when you love without limits
Unconditionally
When you love without fear
then you shall be free

So I pried my heart open
as wide as the sea
And the strangest sensations came over me
I could see the clouds dance
Felt a raindrop sting
I could hear the tiny feet and all the butterfly wings
As I sat in the middle
I felt this love unfold
Love too big for this body to hold
That day I became a warrior
with no enemy
Now I am that funky soldier and I shall be free

Now I ain't afraid of living
and I ain't scared to die
Cause I feel this vibration that I can't deny
I can feel it singing through me
Like a symphony
And it tastes so sweet like destiny
It's in everything I touch
everything I see
It's in every single fiber in my body
Every star
Every creature
Every leaf on every tree
is a lesson and a blessing and we shall be free
I shall
I shall be free

My Sacred Life - Day 12

2007-09-13T14:45:00.000-07:00

Altar at work

Though I am at a bit of a crossroads with my job, there are still many beautiful things that I love about... things I sometimes forget.
I work with a very large interpretation company and of course, with all big companies - the bottom line is money. There have been so many changes, many of them that really don't sit well with me. Layoffs, outsourcing, loss of many qualified and dedicated interpreters... not to mention the management/corporate drama.
I love what I do because I directly assist in communication, many times in emergency situation. I've had interpreters call me in tears telling me that "I just delivered a baby!" Of course, there are moments where it breaks your heart when the news isn't good... but just the same, it's communication. Celebration, closure, assistance... it's about connection and getting something important done with heart. I love that. I love that our job makes a difference.
I've had many less than graceful days over the past month and though I know something must change, I'm a little lost and caught in the middle.
I have an altar at my desk, though most people would think it's a few nick nacks... it makes a huge difference in my day. It consists of my loved ones photos, my little skunk figurine who reminds me to keep my boundaries, Kuan Yin who reminds me to embrace compassion as gracefully as possible, Green Tara to overcome dangers, fears and anxieties, and to overcome the most difficult of situations, my silver Om, and of course... my giraffes.

Silence - Aine Minogue

Welcome.. silence... to my place
I've missed you for so long
I sought your face a thousand times in voices loud and strong
In searching for your solitude... I looked and looked without
And where else should I find your face... upon this holy ground.
Now... silence... would you not... spend more time just here
Your breeze is as a lover fine, a lover fine to me
And in the quiet darkness of our sacred place
I'd hold your court and bid you never leave here or away
Through worlds divine and shadows fine and 'cross the seven seas
Forever searching... wanderlust... in hopes of home to see
If... silence... you've a home... a place for us to be
Then glad I'll be your lover true
And go there... go there... with you

Gayatri Mantra

My Sacred Life - Day 11

2007-09-13T13:39:00.000-07:00

I was looking through entertainment news out of boredom and read a blurb about Britney Spears. I've never been a big fan of her music and avoid the tabloids but I find it sadly interesting how or society seems to lift people on a pedestal only to tear them down mercilessly and with such passion. I was reading how critics were tearing into her for a video music performance which they had a clip. I think everyone should have an opinion but what really bothered me was the reference to her weight. She looks healthy... not rail thin. The critics were writing as if she was obese.
What kind of message does this send out to young girls (and boys) who look up to her (not that she's the best role model but that's another post for another time). I don't have children but am in "Uncle" to friends children and it scares me. There's so much emphasis on weight, looks and superficial BS that it's no wonder why people feel inferior or unworthy.
I've had a constant struggle with my weight for nearly 30 years. I lost over a hundred pounds in high school in a little over 8 moths with the aid of eating disorders. I had very little self esteem and felt ugly, unworthy and insignificant. No matter how much weight I lost, I only saw a fat person staring back. I didn't see "myself" in the mirror. I don't think I ever really saw myself until I hit 30.
It really bothers me when I hear news or read articles like the above blurb because they can be seeds of years of distorted truths and views for young adults and children. I wholeheartedly believe in teaching children nutrition, fitness and healthy exercise but look at any magazine... any movie, especially for girls. You have to be thin to be beautiful. You have to be thin to have a happy relationship. You have to be thin or no one will accept you. What are we teaching our children?
After all these years, I still have issues with my appearance. The difference is, I love myself now and I'm losing weight in a healthy way and for the right reasons. It's still hard for me to see myself honestly at times. I have a distorted view of what I see.
I started belly dancing a few years ago. I went to some classes and then later continued with DVD instrucional lessons. I do a lot of devotional dance in my spiritual practice. It's as much meditation time for me as much as it is to connect and dance for the divine. I love belly dance because it's empowering. There are dancers of every size and skill level and yet - there's a connection of acceptance, support and growth. It's beautiful and moves me greatly.
Learned behavior takes time to un-learn for lack of words in my head... and I'm okay with that. I'm working on it and moving forward, sometimes with a great big step, sometimes a tiny step and sometimes a step back.
Galean had taken a photo of me last year... my first full body photo in I don't know how long. I remember that I knew I would hate it before I even saw it... but to my surprise, it's probably one of my favorite photos of me. I guess I am moving forward a bit. Yay!

Good Enough - Darren Hayes

If I woke up late
Couldn’t get out of bed
If I bought you a cafe latte instead
If I lied when I said
32 inches was the size of my waist
And can I admit
Every once in a while
Even though I dig alternative style
Occasionally
I can be caught dancin’ to Brittany
And can I confess
That art house doesn’t turn me on
But I like every single thing that Speilberg’s done
Could I be good enough
Could I be good enough
If the going got worse
And the worse got rough
The days became endless
And harder than tough
I’d be good enough
Better than best
Would be simply to be good enough
If everything I give
Doesn’t seem like a lot
If it’s all that I got
Baby tell that could be good enough
Where I grew up
The rent was cheap
Though we always had enough to eat
Didn’t have fancy clothes
I never really cared
'Coz there were shoes on my toes
And motherly love
I knew it like the back of my hand
She always had a way to make me understand
I could be good enough
I could be good enough
If the going got worse
And the worse got rough
The days became endless
And harder than tough
I’d be good enough
Better than best
Would be simply to be good enough
If everything I give
Doesn’t seem like a lot
If it’s all that I got
Baby tell me that could be good enough
Coz I don’t know which way this road is gonna turn
But I know it’s gonna be fine
But there are some days no matter how much I’ve learned
That the road gets tough
And I don’t feel good enough
But if you’re giving me some of that loving
Could you pass some over
Let me cry on your shoulder and tell me baby
I could be good enough
If I lost my job
And my hair fell out
If I made no sense
And I scream and shout
Would you laugh at me?
Never take a word I say seriously
And if I’m out in the cold
Waiting in the back of the line
Too afraid to drop my name for fear of decline
Could you tell me I’m good enough?
Could I be good enough?
If the going got worse
And the worse got rough
The days became endless
And harder than tough
I’d be good enough
Better than best
Would be simply to be good enough
If everything I give
Dosn’t seem like a lot
If it’s all that I’ve got
Baby tell me that could be good enough
I need to know that I could be good enough
Because everybody wants to feel good enough
Show me baby
Tell me
Come on a prove it baby and
Give it to me

And... not to go youtube crazy but...

Rachel Brice

Asharah

My Sacred Life - Day 10

2007-09-11T16:10:00.000-07:00

My Heart Sister, Gaelan
Two Peas from the same (alien) pod

Faith - Love - Acceptance - Laughter... lots of laughter

I met Gaelan nearly 5 years ago on a site called Live Journal, another blogging community. I was at a point in my life where I was in the transition of being spiritual person to stepping into a spiritual life. I remember reading her blog and just being amazed by her words, her actions and her views. Her writing was inspirational, funny and human - I just felt a connection. We began communicating and chatting online from time to time. We shared, still do, a mutual friend/sister from LJ, Angel, and I made plans to visit. It occurred to me before flying to Washington... Oh... what if we have nothing to share offline??? We had shared so many thoughts and views on spirituality, it made me wonder if we would have anything more in common. Well... upon arriving in WA and making my way to baggage claim... who do I spy with evil smiles and a little white sign (the kind you see for VIP guests by limo drivers) stating a warm and welcoming... "Yo Bitch!" Any butterflies I had were squashed. LOL
I love Gaelan. She's amazing, strong, intelligent, spiritual, warm, responsible, aware... I could go on and on. She's genuine. I love that.
We have been on an amazing spiritual journey together and have shared our awe, wonder, fear, excitement, questions, doubts and human moments.
We have such a healthy relationship in that we are both honest with one another, we communicate well, we can laugh at ourselves and one another, and we give equally from the heart. When I think of her, I smile. My heart smiles.
She gave me this photo of her and there are times when I am with her that I so clearly see the child laughing in dancing in her eyes. I love her sacred child... she certainly brings mine out.

The Child Inside - Qkumba Zoo

Who's that calling ?
who's that who can show the way ?
the child inside, its the child who lives still in your eyes
ne ho ne ye he hiyo, ne ho ne yehe ha
ne ho ne ye he hiyo, neho neho nehe hehe
who's that dying,
trying for a space in the cage you call your life
who's that crying
crying out just what it is you've thrown away
it's the. . .
the child inside, its the child who lives still in your eyes
ne ho ne ye he hiyo, ne ho ne yehe ha
ne ho ne ye he hiyo, neho neho nehe hehe
who's that dancing
laughing crying living every day by day by day by day
it's the. . .
the child inside, its the child who lives still in your eyes
ne ho ne ye he hiyo, ne ho ne yehe ha
ne ho ne ye he hiyo, neho neho nehe hehe
secret of the sun is in your eyes
take the power from your dreams and fly
children know it's magick that makes the world go round

My Sacred Life - Day 9

2007-09-10T18:53:00.000-07:00

You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what's a life, anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die. A spider's life can't help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone's life can stand a little of that.
-Charlotte, "Charlotte's Web" (E.B. White)

I think Charlotte's Web helped me to appreciate the idea of inner beauty as a child and to not judge a book by it's cover. I loved the book and the movie, to this day, makes me weep, laugh and feel a hopefulness. The cycle of life - life, death, rebirth. I watch it from time to time when I need a boost.
Spiders, one of my totems, have always made me a bit uneasy... even with Charlotte! :) I've come quite a way from running away at the sight of them as a child to carefully relocating them out of the house when I see them. I've been told it's quite amusing to see me do this. I won't kill a spider... don't like killing anything for that matter... but with a bit of jumpiness, you can imagine a 250 pound grown man tiptoe around a tiny little creature with a coffee can... hoping beyond hope that the little arachnid won't jump on me. I have to laugh when I think about it.

The Friend Who Stands By

When troubles come your soul to try
You Love the friend who just stands by.
Perhaps there's nothing she can do
The thing is strictly up to you.
For there are troubles all your own
And paths the soul must tread alone.
Times when love can't smooth the road
Nor friendship lift the heavy load.
But just to feel you have a friend
Who will stand by until the end.
Whose sympathy through all endures
Whose warm handclasp is always yours.
It helps somehow to pull you through
Although there's nothing she can do.
And so with fervent heart we cry
God Bless the friend who just stands by.
-Anonymous

Under the Ivy - Kate Bush

It wouldn't take me long
To tell you how to find it
To tell you where we'll meet
This little girl inside me
Is retreating to her favourite place

Go into the garden
Go under the ivy
Under the leaves
Away from the party
Go right to the rose
Go right to the white rose
(For me)

I sit here in the thunder
The green on the grey
I feel it all around me
And it's not easy for me
To give away a secret
It's not safe

But go into the garden
Go under the ivy
Under the leaves
Away from the party
Go right to the rose
Go right to the white rose
(For me)

Go into the garden
Go under the ivy
Go under the leaves with me
Go right to the rose
Go right to the white rose
I'll be waiting for you

It wouldn't take me long
To tell you how to find it

My Sacred Life - Day 8

2007-09-09T14:18:00.000-07:00

The web and weave of family

Family is an integral part of my being. By family I don't, for me, necessarily mean blood family. I am here because and only because of the people who came before me, my parents - their parents, their parents parents 'and so on and have within me their blood and carry on their work. I don't believe we are only here in existence to work on our own issues and "destiny" but also carry on ancestral work - as well as righting wrongs and growing and freeing bonds that have held parts of our self in one place.

I've never really known my Mothers side of the family as we left Japan, my birthplace when I was very young. My Fathers family is from the Midwest, Illinois, and growing up there in my very early years of life molded and have helped me cling on to less than pleasant memories. I do believe people, for the most part, do the best with what they have or know how. As a child though, you don't reason or understand. You observe and remember. I find it interesting how many people hold to those beliefs because there comes a time when you have to let go, grow up and move on. For many years, I held resentment and anger for how my Mother and I were treated, more so observing the abuse she had taken. My fathers family did not believe in inter-racial mixes to put it lightly and the treatment my mother receive, though not physical, was unacceptable on so every level. We moved to California in 1984, after 7 years in IL and I saw my Mother bloom into a much happier person and watched her self worth grow. We would receive calls and my father would fly back for visits but there was no communication at all from them to my Mother and I - which I was grateful for. I really didn't want anything to do with them. I, at that time, simply wanted to erase those memories and those people from my life.
The only time I've spoken to them since then is when my Father passed away in 1989. They called with demands and expectations... money, personal belongings, and even went so far as to demand I send the body there for burial. It was very ugly and I was nowhere near being graceful in my communications with them. So much anger, so much frustration, confusion and hurt. I couldn't see straight, couldn't think, certainly couldn't forgive. The truth was, we were left in debt, big debt... blaring like a neon sign over our heads. I left school to work full time and for a while relied heavily on credit cards to get by. Of course, they never knew and I was too proud to say this. I simply lived my life without them.
The funny thing about Ancestral work and Spirit is that you don't choose it... it chooses you and comes to you when you are ready. At lease, that is the case in my experience. The truth, as I see it now, is that we are all broken in ways and trying to heal... trying to find our way "home"... trying to reach for our authentic selves and bring that to the table. I believe some people ignore that call but it's a choice, like everything else. Change is scary and takes commitment and movement... it takes working with your past, taking the lesson - the beauty and not holding the negative. For so many years, I chose misery. I CHOSE misery. I chose to remain angry... I chose to give up the power to live... to forgive, not just them but more importantly - me.
I'm flying to IL next summer. I want to see, as an adult with more open eyes, where my Father came from. I want to find more about his family and their background. I want to walk on the grounds of his birthplace... I need to. I'm so afraid but fear stops us from growing and I refuse to not go. I can say I forgive... I can think I can forgive... but for me, I need to go. I have addresses and have looked up addresses of family. Of course, I will call first - I don't know what to expect - but I will try. I don't know what will be said... but I need to go.

I've always been a bit of an oddball, or so I've felt as such anyway. I have many acquaintances and very few friends. Connections are very important to me... kindred spirits. And like a needle in a haystack, we're lucky to call someone a friend. I find that word used too often, like love. I guess in reality, I don't have friends. I have family. Family, to me, love you in spite of yourself. Loves your dark as much as your light and embraces your whole being - warts and all. I've been beyond blessed with family.
At night, before sleep... I say thank you. Thank you for the people who enrich my life. How beautiful it is to have someone accept you... love you... and think about you... to notice when you aren't there. It's easy to be cordial and polite when someone is standing in front of you... but I go to bed every night knowing... knowing... I am loved. I am a rich man.
I'm not one for material things. I often find little things, sometimes the oddest or weirdest thing that will remind me of a loved on and I have to get it... which we usually laugh wildly about later. What I like to do, though, is create or make things for loved ones. It's more personal... it's time and intention specifically focused for them from your heart.
I'm an addict for crafting and a few years ago I took up knitting - something i hadn't done since I was a child. I made hats or scarves for family members and had left over yarn. It struck me that I should make something from the remains... as a reminder or connection that we are indeed, a family. That life and family are indeed a pattern that we can choose to design and weave together. The opposite is not an option for me anymore. I choose to live fully and love and forgive... and forgive myself if I am not yet able to.

This is the bag I made. I keep it on my manifestation altar.

Nature Boy - Nat King Cole

There was a boy
A very strange enchanted boy
They say he wandered very far, very far
Over land and sea
A little shy and sad of eye
But very wise was he
And then one day
A magic day he passed my way
And while we spoke of many things
Fools and kings
This he said to me
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return"

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return"

My Sacred Life - Day 7

2007-09-08T19:59:00.000-07:00

I am loving this project! Thank you again, Carla!!! Also thank you for the warm welcome from Martie and Kate. I am enjoying and overwhelmed by reading everyones writing and hoping to make some wonderful friends here.

Saturday Ripples...

I began my weekend coming to my senses at a lovely late hour and proceeded to enjoy a beautiful day of sunshine, reading with the sound of waves crashing on nearby rocks and later in the kitchen cooking.
I re read some of my favorite pieces from Hafiz and Rumi. Bliss.
I can't spent too long reading because it's so passionate and so jarring in a beautiful way that I have to read small bits and take them in - think on them and appreciate them. And of course, try to incorporate the gifts of wisdom and light to my everyday life. Sometimes much more easily said than done... but what a beautiful and powerful reminder. I'd thought I'd share a few that seemed to embrace me today.

"Language is an annoying clatter in the mill of meaning." - Rumi (from The Glance, as translated by Coleman Barks)

Love Rests on no foundation
It is an endless ocean,
with no beginning or end.
Imagine,
a suspended ocean,
riding on a cushion of ancient secrets.
All souls have drowned in it,
and now dwell there.
One drop of that ocean is hope,
and the rest is fear.
- Rumi (from Hush, Don't Say Anything to God as translated by Shahram Shiva)

and also some gifts from Hafiz, from The Gift, Poems by Hafiz - The Great Sufi Master as translated by Daniel Ladinsky...

Even
After
All this time
The sun never says to the earth,

"You owe
me."

Look
What happens
With a love like that,
It lights the
Whole
Sky.

When
No one is looking

I swallow deserts and clouds
And chew on mountains knowing
They are sweet
Bones!

When no one is looking and I want
To kiss
God

I just lift my own hand
To

My

Mouth.

Two Giant Fat People
God
And I have become
Like two giant fat people
Living in a
Tiny boat.
We
Keep
Bumping into each other and

L
a
u
g
h
i
n
g
.

Two Bears
Once
After a hard day's forage
Two bears sat together in silence
On a beautiful vista
Watching the sun go down
And feeling deeply grateful
For life.

Though, after a while
A thought-provoking conversation began
Which turned to the topic of
Fame.

The one bear said,
"Did you hear about Rustam?
He has become famous
And travels from city to city
In a golden cage;

He performs to hundreds of people
Who laugh and applaud
His carnival
Stunts."

The other bear thought for
a few seconds

Then started
Weeping.

Ohhh... tears. Good tears, happy and full. Lovely day.

Hungarian Mushroom Soup (I added potatos!) from Moosewood Cookbook by Mollie Katzen
2T Butter
2C chopped onions
1.5-2 lbs mushrooms (I mix varieties usually - today just went w/button)
salt to taste
2-3t dry dill
1T mild paprika (I used smoked and a little more - like the flavor)
2 t fresh lemon juice
3T flour
2C mushroom or veggie broth
1C milk (or cream!)
pepper to taste
1/2C sour cream

Melt the butter in a dutch oven or large pot
Add onions and saute over medium heat for about 5 mins
Add mushrooms, salt, dill and paprika
Stir well and cover for about 15 mins, stirring occasionally
Add lemon juice
Gradually sprinkle in flour, stirring
Cook 5 mins
Add broth and cover for 10 mins, stirring often
Add milk (or cream!) and pepper
Check seasoning and adjust to taste
Whisk in sour cream over gentle heat
Serve hot
Yum-o!

While surfing the web earlier this week, I found the new video from Annie Lennox from her coming CD, Songs of Mass Destruction. There's an informational site on the CD that can be found here:
http://www.songsofmassdestruction.info/annie_lennox/en/
I've long been a fan her her voice and remarkable lyrics and am anxiously awaiting the new release! Yay!
There's also a wonderful interview on the above mentioned site if there are some fellow fans out there who might be interested.

Beneath A Phrygian Sky - Loreena McKennitt

The moonlight it was dancing
On the waves, out on the sea
The stars of heaven hovered
In a shimmering galaxy
A voice from down the ages
So in haunting in its song
These ancient stones will tell us
Our love must make us strong
The breeze it wrapped around me
As I stood there on the shore
And listened to this voice
Like I never heard before
Our battles they may find us
No choice may ours to be
But hold the banner proudly
The truth will set us free
My mind was called across the years
Of rages and of strife
Of all the human misery
And all the waste of life
We wondered where our God was
In the face of so much pain
I looked up to the stars above
To find you once again
We travelled the wide oceans
Heard many call your name
With sword and gun and hatred
It all seemed much the same
Some used your name for glory
Some used it for their gain
Yet when liberty lay wanting
No lives were lost in vain
Is it not our place to wonder
As the sky does weep with tears
And all the living creatures
Look on with mortal fear
It is ours to hold the banner
Is ours to hold it long
It is ours to carry forward
Our love must make us strong
And as the warm wind carried
Its song into the night
I closed my eyes and tarried
Until the morning light
As the last star it shimmered
And the new sun’s day gave birth
It was in this magic moment
Came this prayer for mother earth
Reprise:
The moonlight it was dancing
On the waves, out on the sea
The stars of heaven hovered
In a shimmering galaxy
A voice from down the ages
So in haunting in its song
The ancient stones will tell us
Our love will make us strong

My Sacred Life - Day 6

2007-09-07T14:11:00.001-07:00

The bringer of blossoms

I snapped this photo today during my lunch break. The little bees have been busy with the blooming trees at work. The little guys have reminded me to take a look at the imbalance of my life.
Ted Andrews' book, Animal Speak, describes bees as a symbol of accomplishing quests that appeared impossible. He further writes, "The bee is a reminder to extract the honey of life and to make our lives fertile while the sun shines."
My life is, indeed, sweet though I've seemed to forget that from time to time this month. Work has been a drain and has left me frustrated and angry more than a few times. I take my job seriously, perhaps too seriously at times and I don't like bringing my frustrations home with me. I've been working hard to let go of things I am unable to control or change and to release anger in a way that's healthy. Through meditation, sacred space, writing and MUCH laughter, I'm trudging my way out of the muck and making more time tasting the sweetness of life.
It's the weekend, Huzzah! My afternoons been filled with incense, candles and the ethereal voice of Lisa Gerrard. My evening will be filled with some baking, crafting and perhaps an extra long hot bath.
Here's to a relaxing, rejuvenating, safe weekend filled with magical moments and lots of laughter.

More info on the My Sacred Life Project can be found here:
http://zenamoon.typepad.com/weblog/2007/08/my-sacred-life-.html

Send Your Love - Sting

Finding the world in the smallness of a grain of sand
And holding infinities in the palm of your hand
And Heaven's realms in the seedlings of this tiny flower
And eternities in the space of a single hour
Send your love into the future
Send your love into the distant dawn
Inside your mind is a relay station
A mission probe into the unknowing
We send a seed to a distant future
Then we can watch the galaxies growing
This ain't no time for doubting your power
This ain't no time for hiding your care
You're climbing down from an ivory tower
You've got a stake in the world we ought to share
You see the stars are moving so slowly
But still the earth is moving so fast
Can't you see the moon is so lonely
She's still trapped in the pain of the past
This is the time of the worlds colliding
This is the time of kingdoms falling
This is the time of the worlds dividing
Time to heed your call
Send your love into the future
Send your precious love into some distant time
And fix that wounded planet with the love of your healing
Send your love
Send your love
There's no religion but sex and music
There's no religion but sound and dancing
There's no religion but line and color
There's no religion but sacred trance
There's no religion but the endless ocean
There's no religion but the moon and stars
There's no religion but time and motion
There's no religion, just tribal scars
Throw a pebble in and watch the ocean
See the ripples vanish in the distance
It's just the same with all the emotions
It's just the same in every instance
There's no religion but the joys of rhythm
There's no religion but the rites of Spring
There's no religion in the path of hate
No prayer but the one I sing
Send your love into the future
Send your precious love into some distant time
And fix that wounded planet with the love of your healing
Send your love
Send your love
There's no religion but sex and music
There's no religion that's right or winning
There's no religion in the path of hatred
Ain't no prayer but the one I'm singing
Send your love
Send your love

My Sacred Life - Day 5

2007-09-07T13:53:00.000-07:00

I fell into a much needed coma after work yesterday. Here is what I had planned on posting. :)

Common Scents

Scents can take me back to a time in life, person or place.
Each morning I grab a cup of coffee in our break room. I choose English Toffee... not so much for the flavor but for it's soothing scent. It reminds me of french toast which takes me back to childhood. Whenever I was ill, my mother would make me french toast once I started feeling better. It was something light, warming and filled the kitchen with the scent of cinnamon and butter. It's a reminder of being cared for and secure and makes the inner child in me giggle. It makes me feel comfortable and loved.
On several occasions, when I'm driving late at night, in sacred space or just thinking before bed, a scent will "visit" me. My father frequently "visits". When I've had a difficult time, feel low or need to feel a larger sense of purpose - he visits me. I can smell his scent very clearly and at the same time subtly. When he was living, we weren't very close. Sadly we only started to develop our relationship the year he passed, 1989. Though he's been physically gone from my life for some time now, his spirit remains and guides me. I feel him.
Much of my spiritual path has been with Ancestral work. Scent - essential oils, memory and nature (flowers, sea and forest) have been a constant ally in my work as well as a comfort for both my heart and mind.

Wishing You Were Here - Alison Moyet

I can't begin to tell you how it feels
It's a clear blue sky
Out here my heart so full it's fit to burst
Just counting the hours
Home, such a long way gone
How to share a day
Here's my only way
Send myself to you
Wishing you were here
I can't begin to tell you where I've been
It's a world behind
And if we are to find our heaven here
We just have to look harder
Now I can see you
I never could before
Now I wand nothing more
When I close my eyes
Wishing you were here
Home such a long way gone
How to share a day
Here's my only way
When I close my eyes
Wishing you were here
I can't begin to tell you how it feels

My Sacred Life - Day 4

2007-09-05T21:09:00.001-07:00

Many people hold onto a grudge because it offers the illusion of power and a perverse feeling of security. But in fact, we are held hostage by our anger. It is never too late to forgive. But you can forgive too soon. I am especially wary of what I call "saintly forgiveness." Premature forgiveness is common among people who avoid conflict. They're afraid of their own anger and the anger of others. But their forgiveness is false. Their anger goes underground. I define forgiving as letting someone back into your heart. This returns us to a loving state -- and not merely within the relationship -- we feel good about ourselves and the world. True forgiveness isn't easy, but it transforms us significantly. To forgive is to love and to feel worthy of love. In that sense, it is always worthwhile.

- Robert Karen

A Thousand Beautiful Things - Annie Lennox

Every day I write the list
Of reasons why I still believe they do exist
(a thousand beautiful things)
And even though it's hard to see
The glass is full and not half empty
(a thousand beautiful things)
So... light me up like the sun
To cool down with your rain
I never want to close my eyes again
Never close my eyes
Never close my eyes
I thank you for the air to breathe
The heart to beat
The eyes to see again
(a thousand beautiful things)
And all the things that's been and done
The battle's won
The good and bad in everyone
(this is mine to remember)
So ...
Here I go again
Singin' by your window
Pickin' up the pieces of what's left to find
The world was meant for you and me
To figure out our destiny
(a thousand beautiful things)
To live
To die
To breathe
To sleep
To try to make your life complete
(yes yes)
So ...
Light me up like the sun
To cool down with your rain
I never want to close my eyes again
Never close my eyes
never close my eyes ...
That is everything I have to say
(that's all I have to say)

My Sacred Life - Day 3

2007-09-04T20:29:00.000-07:00

The little lunch truck pulls in front of my office shortly after noon. Some days it's too busy to jump out and some days, it's necessary to jump out.
I love food. I love cooking it or eating it whether it's a fine meal or an occasional order of cheese fries with a side of salsa and mustard (yeah I know - people at work look at me funny too hehehe).
Food, for me, is quite magical not only for the nutritious (tho I don't know if cheese fries falls into this category) values but also as an extension of myself. It's an extension of my thoughts, intention and a manifestation of my love for those I cook for (and myself). I enjoy shopping at farmers markets or the local grocery store to touch, sample , and pick gems to create something special. It's the texture, the color, the scent... ideas that come to me with what's on hand - what's fresh. I don't prepare a lot of "menus" in my head... it's more of what I get inspired to create while I'm shopping... tho NEVER shop on an empty stomach, mind you. LOL
This is also a connection and way of dealing with life... things come, make the best it or the choices at hand. I try to make it graceful and I guess in a strange way, perhaps my cheese fry days are a parallel to my not so graceful days of life... lol. It's all about choices. The art of taking flavors and have them sing in harmony with their layers of complexity. I like finding the balance and trying something new. I'd like to think that spills into my daily life.
Preparing and cooking food is also a way of being present and aware of blessings for me. I get excited over gardening - watching veggies and fruit grow (flowers too for that matter). I hope to one day have a large garden but at this time - I have my pots of herbs. It's exciting for me because you start with caring for the ground, adding simple seeds, tending and then watching the growth and harvesting... to then create something to share. It's a miracle. It's beautiful and it makes me incredibly happy and excited. It's sacred time. In a world where it's more "convinient" to get a supersized meal on the go... being able to have time to honor life and be grateful and share love... that to me is true magic.
I've been thinking a lot about my spiritual path. The want and need to serve and push my limits of comfort in making positive change. Though I know, it's not about a timetable or a destination, I get impatient and frustrated, feel behind at times... I know it's the everyday moments that truely make a spiritual path. Offering a kind word, an ear, a smile, a meal. It's all a ripple and each ripple affects everything around me. Food helps me remember that.
Well... that little idea gave me quite the ramble fest.

You Owe Me Nothing In Return - Alanis Morissette

I'll give you countless amounts of outright acceptance if you want it
I will give you encouragement to choose the path that you want if you need it
You can speak of anger and doubts your fears and freak outs and I'll hold it
You can share your so-called shame filled accounts of times in your life and I won't judge it
(and there are no strings attached to it)
You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return
You can ask for space for yourself and only yourself and I'll grant it
You can ask for freedom as well or time to travel and you'll have it
You can ask to live by yourself or love someone else and I'll support it
You can ask for anything you want anything at all and I'll understand it
(and there are no strings attached to it)
You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return
I bet you're wondering when the next payback shoe will eventually drop
I bet you're wondering when my conditional police will force you to cough up
I bet wonder how far you have now danced you way back into debt
This is the only kind of love as I understand it that there really is
You can express your deepest of truths even if it means I'll lose you and I'll hear it
You can fall into the abyss on your way to your bliss I'll empathize with
You can say that you have to skip town to chase your passion I'll hear it
You can even hit rock bottom have a mid-life crisis and I'll hold it
(and there are no strings attached)
You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return

My Sacred Life - Day 2

2007-09-03T19:48:00.000-07:00

We are happier, much happier, when we realize that life is an opportunity rather than an obligation.
- Nathan Olsen

We are not sent into this world to do anything into which we cannot put our hearts.
- John Ruskin

Dreams come a size too big so that we can grow into them.
- Josie Bissett

Life is a promis, fulfill it.
- Mother Teresa

I love affirmations and meditation cards. They can seem simple but sometimes a short thought can put you into a different path for your day. It can bring a lightness or awareness or develop a view that perhaps needed a closer look.
I've found the coolest, and cutest, set of cards. They're called window cards and come in a number of subjects like Make Your Dreams Come True, I Believe In You, and a number of others. I slip them into snail mails, keep them on my altars and just hand them out at random. They are awesome and bring smiles. They're like little lottery tickets of wisom and everyone's a winner!

I pick them up from a little shop in Santa Cruz but you can find more info here:
http://www.compendium.com.au/products_type.php?id=56

Affirmations - Savage Garden

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone
I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye
I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold
I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires
I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye
I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity
I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

My Sacred Life - Day 1

2007-09-02T19:54:00.000-07:00

Slow down... breathe... be grateful

Yesterday was very crunchy for me. I just wanted to run away and just not feel but that seemed all I could do... with a full heart and traffic in my head. I find myself, lately, impatient, frustrated and easy to tears. I feel the shifting of seasons and can taste Autumn around the corner... so happy about that. Perhaps it's just the shift that has me so emotional.
Today, I spent the afternoon among the redwoods. I took the long route and felt such peace among the trees and mountains as if I were being embraced and welcomed home. The forest always holds such powerful medicine that puts everything into perspective and allows me to breathe and just be.
I need to slow down. My heart tells me this, Spirit tells me this... and yet I'm like a muppet on crack some days. Thank Gods for laughter and family that I can talk with and connect... and be reminded that we are all spiritual beings having human moments.
Tonight, I feel much lighter and grounded. I'm so grateful for moments of clarity... and all the blessings that fill my everyday life... those subtle and those not so subtle.

The Healing Room - Sinead O'Connor

I have a universe inside me
Where I can go, an spirit guides me
There I can ask oh any question
I get the answers if I listen
I have a healing room inside me
The loving healers there they feed me
They make me happy with their laughter
They kiss and tell me I'm their daughter
I'm their daughter
(Me love you lots of lots of lots)
You have a little voice inside you
It doesn't matter who you think you may be
You're not free if you don't know me
See I'm not the lie that lives outside you
And it doesn't matter what you think you believe
You're not free if you don't know me
If you don't know me
See I am the universe inside you
You come to me and I will guide you
And make you happy with my laughter
I joy in seeing you're my daughter
You're my daughter
So believe you're not free if you don't know me
if you don't know me
if you don't know me
if you don't know me
if you don't know me
if you don't know me
if you don't know